


To Trust

by eskimita



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), NCIS, The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: Communication, Dysfunctional Relationships, Established Relationship, M/M, Not Gibbs Friendly, Not Ziva Friendly, There is so much communication in this story it's almost like it's not about DiNozzo at all, Working on relationship problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:38:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23444344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eskimita/pseuds/eskimita
Summary: Nine years ago, tragedy forced them together under the worst circumstances imaginable. Now, given a chance to finally truly be together, Danny and Tony can't seem to make it click. They're working together, on a team they both love, with a family of their choosing, but their own relationship is... rocky. Can they make it work before Tony goes dormant or have they already lost out on their chance at happiness?
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Danny "Danno" Williams, Chin Ho Kelly/Malia Waincroft, Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg
Comments: 26
Kudos: 114





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be my April entry for Rough Trade, however, I didn't think I would be able to write it at the rate that Rough Trade requires. Now, given the current state of things, I have more time on my hands. There are still rough spots in this story that I'm working on smoothing out, so I'm still not going to be posting at the rate that rough trade demands. I'll be working at it every day though. I have nothing else to do.
> 
> This story does mention 9/11 and the aftermath. It focuses mostly on the aftermath and the S&R efforts in New York, but will not go into detail about anything specific. 9/11 does play a part in this story however, and I don't want anyone walking into it without knowing that. I will be trying to keep it from being triggering.
> 
> This takes place in Season 1 of Hawaii Five-O and does not include most of NCIS after 2006.

“So how'd you two get together anyways?” Steve glanced over at Danny as the other man watched his Guide work with Kono on hand to hand skills. “You watch him like a hawk, but you're never in the same room at work, you refuse to partner with him. If you don't want to be with the guy, why are you? How'd you even meet? He was a cop in Baltimore, right, before NCIS? What, you two end up working the same drug bust or something?”

Danny was uncharacteristically silent as he watched Tony move, ducking the punch Kono sent his way and correcting her stance. It went against every instinct in him to let his Guide put himself in danger, even if he knew Kono wasn’t going to actually hurt Tony, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn't have a right to tell Tony how to do his job. He never had, but especially after how everything had gone down between them.  The fact that Tony was here, that he'd packed up his entire life and willingly moved to Hawaii when Danny asked was a miracle.  Tony was a better person than Danny, but Danny had known that for years, since the first time they met.

“Hello,”  Steve's hand waved in front of his face and Danny blinked, looking over at the other man, “You zone out there, buddy? Do I need to call Tony over here to check on you? You haven't blinked in three minutes. You sure you're doing okay? I don't need you zoning out like that, Danno. The governor will make me call the  Center, and no one wants to deal with that mess. You aren’t at risk of zoning out are you?”

“I'm fine, Steven,” Danny turned away from his Guide, patting Steve on the shoulder and heading for the door, “Keep an eye on them, will you? Kono almost gave him a black eye last week, and I had to hear about it for two hours. I'm going to go upstairs, work on some paperwork for that court case next week.  Make sure he doesn't do anything to his lungs, okay? I don't want to drag him to the hospital later, he always hates going to the hospital.”

Before Steve could protest, Danny left the gym, heading back up to the newly minted Five-0 offices.  He felt the bond between him and Tony strain as he walked further away, but he ignored it. Danny was very good at ignoring his bond with his Guide. He'd had eight years of practice, after all.

* * *

“Has your bond gotten any easier to handle, now that you’re in proximity to your Sentinel, Agent DiNozzo?”

“No, Dr. Kate’s Sister,” Tony glared at the computer, and the image of Rachel Cranston that was there. They had weekly sessions by order of the S&G center, but Rachel wasn’t able to help Tony, and he knew it. Really, the only reason he kept up with these sessions was because Rachel tried, even if she couldn’t actually help. She was the only person other than Kate who had tried to make this all manageable for Tony, and he owed it to their friendship, at the very least, to try and work with her. “The bond is strained, and so full of guilt and self-hatred that it’s physically painful to be in the same room as him, much less actually working as his Guide. I thought it would get better, when he moved closer to Grace, when he got to see her again, but it didn’t. If anything, being in the same place as Rachel and Grace makes him feel even worse. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and the Center hasn’t suggested anything useful in months. He wants me, I can feel that, but he won't- he won't let himself have me , and I- I need to know he isn't going to leave again .”

Rachel looked sad, and it made Tony uncomfortable, his eyes darting away from the computer. He was glad that Danny had gone to pick Grace up from school so that he could have this conversation in private. He didn’t want his Sentinel to know how hard this was for him, how much the strain on the bond affected him. It always had, but Tony was very good at pretending to be fine. He’d had years of practice.

“Tony,” Rachel’s voice was soft, concerned for her friend, and Tony looked away in guilt, “You need to talk to him. It’s been nine years since you bonded. You shouldn’t be walking around feeling like this, with half a bond and your Sentinel ignoring your suffering. It isn’t good for you, and it isn’t good for him. What if you both go dormant? Does Danny even know that it’s possible for you both to go dormant if this isn’t fixed?”

“No, I haven’t told him. It’s already starting, Rach. I used to be able to read a room before I even walked in, and now- Kono almost managed to sneak up on me because I couldn’t get a read on her emotions. I didn’t know she was there. She’s my partner, and I couldn’t detect her emotions in the same room as me. I’m shutting down. It isn’t consistent, but it’s there. I’m losing control of my abilities. I don’t know if Danny’s noticed anything with his abilities, but I don’t think he has. All the research I’ve found suggests that Guides in incomplete bonds go dormant first. I guess fate thinks it’s our job to make everything go smoothly, and if we don’t, then we don’t get to be Guides anymore. Maybe I should go dormant. Danny doesn’t want me around. For all that the desire to have his guide is there, the desire to have _ me _ is missing, like it always has been. He wouldn't even try partnering with me and I moved to Hawaii to be with him. If I was gone- well, he spent eight years trying to get me out of his life, trying to pretend I didn’t exist. If I go dormant, he can have that.”

“That’s not how it works, Tony,” Rachel sounded like she wanted to push the subject, but she knew when Tony had reached his limit. “Look, I’m going to put in a request to the Center in Cascade. You and Danny need help, Tony, whether or not you think you do. Let me help you. Let them help you. I don’t want to see you suffering. Kate wouldn’t want to see you suffering.”

“Yeah, Rach, okay.” Tony heard the car door close  in the driveway and looked up, watching Danny and Gracie get their thing s through the large windows that showed out into the yard . “Look, he’s home. I’ll call you next week, okay. Love you, Rach.”

He ended the video call and closed his laptop, focusing instead on the lasagna he’d been putting together for dinner. It was finished cooking and cool on the counter, ready for him to serve up for Danny and his daughter, if he could gather the strength to make it through the meal. Being in the same room as Danny reminded Tony of when he’d had the plague. Every breath was hard, every heartbeat echoed like it could be his last. It hurt, physically, to sit across from his Sentinel and feel that gaping void where their bond was, only partially complete. If Grace didn’t need the stability of appearances, Tony wouldn’t even be around when she was at their house. But she was only eight, and a budding Sentinel. She needed to know that her father had a Guide who cared about him, even if it was all a façade. Danny had made it clear, when they’d first bonded, that his life revolved around his baby girl. Tony wouldn’t do anything to put that in jeopardy, even if it was for his own good. Gracie deserved to know that her father's guide cared about her, and he did. He would make it through the evening for that little girl and her dimpled smile, just like he did every day.

* * *

“So,” Danny sat down on the couch across from Tony, making no move to touch the other man even if Tony's instincts were begging for anything, even the brush of a hand against his , “ You had your appointment with Dr. Cranston today. How was it? Does she have any ideas to,” he gestured emphatically between them, “fix this? Steve asked me about the bond today, and if Steve's noticed, the rest of the team has too. ”

It killed Tony, that they were both aware that their bond was failing, that they were both aware of how much they were suffering, but they couldn't fix it. He liked Danny, he did. The man was a good cop, and an excellent father. He was a good friend too, when they weren't in the same state. Tony had spent hours on the phone with Danny after rough cases, talking to the other man about Grace, about Rachel, and later about the divorce. If they weren't Sentinel and Guide, everything would be perfect. But they were, and there was a part of Tony, that Guide part of him, that didn't trust Danny, that couldn't trust Danny, and the incomplete bond between them was proof of that. Being in the same place as Danny just emphasized how much Tony couldn’t trust the other man. It was like standing on nails, trying to work with Danny, trying to make things work for them. He wanted to trust his sentinel. Everything he’d ever read about sentinels and guides said that he should trust Danny implicitly. It just wasn't there. It hadn’t been there from the very start.

“She thinks that my Guide side feels rejected,” Tony looked down at his hands, not wanting to meet Danny’s eyes. He couldn’t look at the guilt and pain that he knew was on Danny's face, could barely breathe for the tangible cloud of emotion that filled the room whenever he and Danny were alone together. It was bad at work, but at home it was something that Tony couldn't manage for more than ten minutes at a time. Danny waited until evening to corner Tony so that the Guide could retreat when it got to be too much, but he insisted that they talk every day, even if it was just for a few minutes.  He was trying, and it hurt to think that it wasn't enough, that even though they both wanted to fix this, want wasn’t enough. “She called Cascade. She thinks that this has reached a point where Sandburg needs to be aware of the situation. I don't know what's going to come of it, but Rachel thinks she can find someone there to help.”

“What do your instincts tell you? Is calling Sandburg going to help us or is it going to make things worse for us? Because, I gotta be honest with you, babe, being partnered with Steve, letting you go off with Kono, not knowing what’s going on with you- it sucks. It sucks worse than when you were at NCIS and I was still in Jersey. And I know,” he gestured self-depreciatingly, “that the separation was and is entirely my fault. I’m a goon, we all know that. But it was easier, back then, to pretend I didn’t know what this was doing to you. I know it now. I knew it then. I was just too thick-headed to care about anything but Rachel and Grace. And I’ll apologize for that every day until I die, I swear. I want to fix this though, Tones. I want to fix this for us.”

Tony swallowed thickly. He knew that. He could feel it just as clear as he could feel anything else when it came to Danny. Danny wanted them to have a complete bond. He had for a few years, Tony had known that too. Danny wanted them to have a complete bond, be a fully functioning couple, aside from the S&G things. He _ wanted _ Tony in a way no one else ever had, in a way that Tony craved and never wanted to let go of. Tony just couldn’t- he couldn’t bring himself to say yes. There was that doubt, the memories of how they met, the reminder that Rachel came first for so long, and Tony couldn’t help holding himself back from Danny, no matter how hard he wanted to trust the man and let go.

“I knew what I was getting into, Danny. When I consented to this bond, I knew what I was doing. I would do it again. You needed me to be there, and I’ve never regretted it. We just- have to find a way to fix what we messed up so long ago.” He stood up from the couch, grabbing the paperwork he’d been finishing and putting it back in his briefcase. He couldn't handle anymore of this tonight. He knew that if he stayed any longer, he was going to say something that just made everything worse. “I’m going to go for a run. I’ll be up early in the morning. Kono wants to catch a wave before we head into work.”

“Yeah,” Danny stayed in his spot. He never stood when Tony did, never tried to crowd his guide, never forced himself on the other man. “I’ll see you at the office in the morning, babe. I’ll bring in malasadas for everyone.”

Tony smiled faintly and left the room, heading back to the small bedroom that he called his own. It was hard, leaving Danny in the living room, but he couldn’t be in the same room anymore tonight. He was a strong Guide, but he couldn’t sit around and pretend he didn’t feel all of the guilt Danny was wrestling with, that he didn’t know that being around Danny just made it worse. Throwing on his running clothes, Tony grabbed his iPod and left the house. He’d made it through another day, and that’s all that mattered.

* * *

“So, why did you and Danny never complete the bond?” Kono was straddling her board, staring over at Tony while he watched the waves. “I understand, if you met while he was still married to Rachel, why you didn’t finish the bond then, but why didn’t you complete it after they got divorced? You moved to Jersey, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I moved to Jersey,” Tony kept his eyes on the ocean, refusing to look over at Kono. The woman could sense weakness like a shark. “Our bond is complicated. We met after 9/11, during the cleanup. Danny had just lost his partner, just found out that Rachel was expecting a girl.  There had just been a terrorist attack less than an hour away from where his pregnant wife slept every night . Danny was all instinct, all heightened alert. I was in New York on loan from NCIS, because I wasn’t authorized to assist with the Pentagon cleanup yet. Sentinels were coming online like crazy because of the threat to the city. Danny was one of them. He came online that day- driven by the need to protect his partner. Carried her all the way to the hospital from the warehouse they were in, even though he knew there was no chance. He was running on instinct, protect the tribe. When I met him-” he sighed, “Danny wasn’t in a place to bond. He was newly online. He was traumatized. He was on high alert constantly. He wasn’t in a place to bond and the fact that the S&G center pushed us together the way they did would be considered a misuse of power today. Back then though, it was just something that was necessary given the threat. 

“We don’t have a complete bond. Danny only grounds three senses on me. But my end of things, the empathic bond, that’s complete. I had to. There was no way he could have been going out there, in that carnage, without a complete empathic buffer. Unbonded Sentinels couldn’t go out there at all, not at Ground Zero. They were too prone to zoning or sensory overload. The empathic buffer that I could give Danny was the only reason that he was able to assist with all the S&R work that we did. Without it, he could’ve gone into hypersensory collapse the first day we were on scene. After we were dismissed, Danny and I went out to dinner. We were at this crappy little diner in Newark, and Danny introduced himself properly, explained that he was married, that he was expecting a kid. He couldn’t do the complete bond. That wouldn’t be fair to Rachel, or to Gracie. I was fine with that, not particularly interested in a complete bond myself. I had just transferred from Baltimore to NCIS, I was left at the altar a few months  back , I was a mess.

“We made it work, for a few years. We had a good friendship, actually. We would talk every week about our cases, about how things were going for him. He was my best friend. We didn’t need a complete bond because the bond that we had allowed us to work together as Sentinel and Guide from a distance. Danny didn’t have the driving instinct to protect me from everything and everyone that most bonded Sentinels have with their guide, and I didn’t feel like I had to be there with him constantly to provide an empathic buffer for him. But there was a part of me, as much as I tried to ignore it, that felt rejected.

“What Danny and I have is unusual. Sentinels bond to their Guide completely. It’s instinctual. All Sentinels want a complete bond with their Guide. Without that complete bond, being near their Guide is nearly torture. Their instincts are out of control, their dials aren’t always the best. It’s why Sentinels and Guides bond so fast after meeting. Not completing that bond is difficult. Danny doesn’t feel it the same way I do. He feels driven to complete the bond on his end, but it’s harder for me. I did complete the bond, on my end. My instincts all tell me that he rejected me, that he didn’t want me, but I have to stick with him because I bonded to him, fully. When he and Rachel divorced, we tried to complete the bond. We had talked about it ahead of time, and I wanted to give it a chance, see if we could make it work. What happened instead is that I threw myself into an empathic coma. I tried to bond with him, to reach out and help him finish the bond, and I couldn’t do it. Going so long with a partial bond left that Guide part of me feeling rejected. Now, the center isn’t sure I’ll ever be able to complete the bond with him. There are some people, at the center in Jersey, that tried to charge Danny with abuse of a Guide, but I shut them down as fast as I could. What happened between us sucks, but it happened. Danny’s my Sentinel. I’m just- I'm not his Guide.”

Kono watched the play of emotions on Tony’s face and kept from saying anything. The man looked devastated in a way that she’d never seen. Since Steve had put the team together, Tony had been an overall cheerful person. He'd stepped in to help her, never once making fun of her for being a rookie, never treating her like she was less of a cop because she was new. Tony gave her advice, helped her figure out what worked for her. He didn’t expect her to be perfect immediately like a lot of the guys at HPD did. He was a good mentor for her to have, and seeing him look so sad made Kono want to fix it. Tony deserved happiness, and Danny did too. 

“Is there anything they can try that they haven’t already tried?” She kept her voice low, not pushing, just asking. “When Chin and Malia were going through their difficulties the center had Guides on hand who were able to help both of them individually. Has anyone tried to do that for you?”

“Yeah, we have my therapist helping us. She’s my old partner’s sister. When Kate died, Rachel stepped in as my support system in DC, offered to try and help us fix this so that we could have a functioning bond. It's just difficult. Rachel thinks that my Guide side doesn’t trust Danny, and she’s right. We just don’t know what we’re supposed to do in order to fix that. She’s looking into things though, trying to find a way to help us. If anyone can help, it’s Rachel.”

“Anything you need us to do,” Kono said, reaching over and putting her hand on Tony’s arm, “let us know. You’re ohana, Tony. We’re not going to leave you guys to figure this out on your own. You and Danny deserve to have your happiness, and the team will do whatever we can to try and help with that. All you have to do is ask. Now, let’s see about getting that next wave.”

Tony laughed, his mood lifted, and paddled out behind Kono, waiting for her to take her wave before he took his own. This team was different than any of the teams he’d been on before, and Tony couldn’t help but think that it was a good thing. Even if his bond with Danny was never fixed, at least they had their team to help them, to keep them together. That was  almost as good as having a functional bond, in Tony's mind. After everything he'd been through at NCIS, having a team he could trust was nothing short of a miracle to Tony.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter because next chapter is where we start to get into the meat of the story. Most of this story takes place in flashbacks and discussions of the past, not in the Five-O timeline. There will be parts that are congruent with Five-O season one, but most of it is flashbacks on how Danny and Tony came to be. The reason for the rape/non-con tag is also in a flashback and will be warned in the note at the beginning of the chapter.
> 
> Also, Rachel Edwards is a bitch.

“I contacted Blair Sandburg,” Rachel started the phone call with. “He’s very concerned, Tony. None of the other pairs who were bonded after 9/11 are having the same issues that you and Danny still are. Even the pairs that were in relationships already have evened out by now. They had struggles, of course. Who wouldn’t have struggles, bonding in a situation like that? They’ve all found a way to make things work between the Sentinel and Guide without hurting either though. The fact that you’re currently experiencing symptoms of going offline has Sandburg worried. He said that he and Jim Ellison are going to come to Hawaii and personally check things out, see if there’s anything that they can do to help you. I know that you don’t want the help, but Tony please. Take the help from them. I don’t want to see you go offline and I don’t want to see you lose Danny. I know you don’t want that either. Let them help you.”

“ Ra ch,”  Tony started, before cutting himself off,  glancing around the opulent room he was in and sighing,  wishing he felt comfortable enough to sit down. That wasn't going to happen though, not here.  If he sat down, he was likely to find himself  dealing with a lawsuit over some made up charges.  “I can't talk about this right now. I'm working a case and I'm on surveillance. The only reason I answered the call is because the last time I ignored you when I wasn’t in an active gunfight, you flew up to Jersey and beat me over the head with a very heavy Prada messenger bag. My head isn't made for being assaulted with Italian leather, so unless I'm in physical danger, I will always answer your calls from now on.  I am, however, very much in emotional danger, so I'm going to shelf the fact that you called in the Primes to deal with my relationship problems because I have bigger problems right now.”

Before Rachel could ask what his bigger problems were, smart heels clicked on the marble floors and Rachel  Edwards entered the room, a look on her face that had Tony wishing he couldn't feel the emotions that went along with it. He hung up his phone without another word, staring at Danny's ex-wife like he knew that he'd done something wrong. The contempt and disgust that rolled off her in waves had him hiding a flinch, but he'd never shown her weakness and he wouldn't start now. Rachel had every right to hate him, but he wasn't going to take her hatred sitting down. Tony was done being cowed by women simply because they viewed him as a threat.

“ Anthony,”  she bit out,  “Daniel didn't tell me that you would be joining him and Steven in my home. I was under the impression that you and Daniel never partner together because your bond remains  _ incomplete _ ,” and, oh did she take a spiteful glee in that, “has that matter changed? Don't dare tell me I have no right to know. My daughter spends every other week in a house with you under the roof and the only reason I didn't fight the judge on that was because Danny swore to me that the two of you don't share a bed. I won't have Grace witnessing the shameful disgrace of a relationship that ended my marriage becoming something physical. Stan and I will move her across the world before I allow her to see her father and his  _ strumpet. _ ”

“Strumpet,”  Tony chuckled, genuinely amused by Rachel's rantings instead of offended.  Rachel had been a thorn in his side since he'd moved up to Jersey after she had left Danny. “I haven't heard the word strumpet used since the last time I watched The Big Lebowski.  Walter Sobchak, played by John Goodman. Didn't take you for the type, but then, I never did get a chance to learn anything about you.  Excuse me, Rachel. There's a crime I'm trying to stop, and you're in my way.”

Tony moved around Danny's ex and to the surveillance equipment, ignoring the glaring eyes he could feel digging into the back of his head. He'd never tried to assure Rachel that he wasn't a threat to her relationship because she’d never given him the opportunity. When Danny had told her he'd had to bond, Rachel had been pissed. The fact that it wasn't a complete bond didn't matter to her. Neither did the fact that Tony had gone back home to DC as soon as his TAD in New York was up. Tony took up some of Danny's time and attention, and Rachel didn't like that. Tony didn't even blame her. If he'd been the wife in this situation, he would have reacted the same way. No one wanted to share their partner with a Guide, even a temporary one. Rachel had been heavily pregnant with Danny's kid.  Of course she didn't want to share any of his time with Tony. When Grace had been born and Rachel had learned that Tony had the legal rights of an adoptive parent due to his status as Danny's Guide, her hatred of Tony had only grown. Tony had tried to never step on Rachel’s toes while he and Danny navigated getting the bare bones of what they needed out of their bond, but it hadn’t been easy, and Rachel held a resentment for Tony that was never going to go away.

“I didn’t give Daniel permission to bring you into my house. Get out. I don’t want you here and you know it,” if Rachel wasn’t so ‘refined’ she would have stomped her foot. Instead, she settled her hands on her hips and leveled a glare at him. “I don’t care if you’re Daniel’s  _ guide  _ outside of my house. This is my house and I don’t want you in it. Leave.”

“See Rachel,” Tony didn’t look away from the equipment he was watching, glad that he didn’t have his mic turned  on so Danny wasn’t hearing any of this. He’d been hiding this from Danny for the past ten years and he wasn’t about to let Danny know about it now. “It doesn’t matter if you want me here or not. Danny’s my Sentinel. I’m his Guide. And right now, there’s a young man fighting for his life because one of your neighbors shot him. I’m here so that Danny can extend his senses enough without hurting himself, so that he can figure out what your neighbors are after, so that he can arrest them. Unless you think that your hatred of me is worth more than justice for a young man whose life is at stake, that is.”

He could see the conflict in her eyes, the way she wanted to push back at him. She wanted to be right, and Tony didn’t blame her. He had wrecked her family, in her mind. But he was here to do his job, and Rachel’s hatred of him was only going to get in the way. He needed her to see that enough that she would back off, at least for now. She could get back to hating him later, he didn’t care. She was still battling with herself as she glanced at the screen where Danny was climbing over the wall that separated her property from the neighbor’s.

“This young man, he has a family?”

“Yes. His wife is pregnant,” Tony kept his voice gentle, knowing that would be a blow. “She almost went into labor when she found out he had been shot. We’re trying to catch these guys for both, Rachel. I know you hate me, but does that woman really deserve to have less than the entire Five-O team fighting to catch the people who put her husband in the hospital? Does she deserve Danny at anything less than his best? Danny’s good alone but,” he trailed off.

“But he’s better with you,” Rachel said quietly. She sighed, nodding. “Right. Well. I want you to leave as soon as Daniel has what he needs. I don’t like you here and if I don’t have to see you then I don’t want to see you.”

“I’ll be out of here before you know it.”

* * *

“You know,” Tony huffed, “I don’t think this is something Dr. Brad would approve of me doing.” He hiked the robber he’d arrested up, wrenching the guy’s arms further up behind his back. “I’m not supposed to run short bursts, not at great speeds. I’m an endurance runner, not a sprinter. It’s not good for my lungs, see. I can’t take in that much air that quickly. My lungs don’t expand fast enough, and I end up panting until my Sentinel shows up all huffy and angry and throws an inhaler at me.”

Sure enough, Danny was stalking towards him, a small hot pink inhaler in hand. Grace had insisted all Tony’s inhalers be pink so they didn’t get lost and neither Tony  or Danny could say no to her. Danny threw the inhaler at Tony and grabbed the suspect from him, careful not to touch Tony himself. He hated it when Tony handled suspects alone, it made his Sentinel senses all tingly, but he’d learned to stop complaining about that. Now he complained about other things.

“I can hear you wheezing from three blocks away. See, when I saw my guy, I found something I could trip him up with, so that I didn’t end up chasing him all over this godforsaken island. You could have done something like that. Kono, she forced hers to a stop right in front of her, just by standing there like the immovable force of nature that she is. Steve, he tackled his to the ground, took him right off his bike and onto the sand because Steven is a caveman and he’s not happy unless he can tackle someone at least once a day. Could you have done any of that? No. You had to run and race against your suspect, who is on a  _ bicycle  _ for over a mile, running at full speed, Tony. Not your usual long distance runs, no. You were sprinting for over a mile. Do you know how bad your lungs sound right now? Of course you don’t because you can’t hear them! I can, though, and you are not running for a week! Now use that inhaler; why haven’t you used your inhaler yet, you’re still wheezing!?!”

Tony dutifully took two puffs of his inhaler as Danny frog-marched the suspect down the alley Tony had caught him in and handed him over to HPD. He could feel the worry pouring  off of Danny in waves and he winced, knowing that it meant that Danny was going to want to check him over. That meant an extremely close and almost invasive perusal, because Danny wouldn’t touch him. At this point, physical contact would trigger Danny’s urge to complete the bond and Tony- Tony's brain couldn’t compute that. After the last time had resulted in a coma, Danny wasn’t taking any risks. They hadn’t touched each other in over a year.

Tony waited for Danny to finish handing the suspect over and filling out the necessary paperwork. He was feeling lightheaded from the struggle to breathe so he took another puff of his inhaler and looked the other way down the alley. He stilled when he saw a curly mopped person standing on the other side of the police tape that had been put up, sighing and pocketing his inhaler. Danny would have to be quick with his inspection. They had guests that they were going to have to entertain. 

“You dolt,” Danny startled him out of his staring, coming up behind him and standing a few feet away, “Can I check you over and make sure you aren’t hurt? Watching you chase him down like that, it drove me crazy, babe, you gotta know that. Why you gotta keep going and doing crazy things that make me go nuts? You’re just as bad as McGarrett, I swear, except you don’t make things explode as much.”

“I could work on that, you know. I have enough experience with explosives that I could definitely make that happen,” Tony stated, nodding his head towards where Blair Sandburg stood at the tape line. “Check me over quick, Danno. We’ve got company, and it would be rude to keep them waiting. Besides, I’m no more hurt than I usually am. There isn’t even a bullet hole in me this time.”

“There isn’t even a bullet hole, he says! Like I should be grateful, which I am, that my Guide is not bleeding out. No, the only problem he’s having is that he  _ can’t breathe  _ but that’s fine. It’s not like breathing is  _ necessary for living  _ or anything like that. No, you’re just fine. There’s not a single problem in the world with the fact that you pushed yourself so hard that you can’t breathe, that I can still hear the crackling in your lungs after three hits of your inhaler, and don’t think I missed that third hit. We’re calling Brad when we get home and you’re not going running or surfing for the next three days, at least. Your lungs sound awful!”

“Yes mother,” Tony said dutifully, already turning away from Danny and moving towards the small gathering crowd. “I’ll be sure to tell the criminals of Oahu to behave and make sure that I don’t have to run for three days so that my lungs can rest and heal to your satisfaction.”

“I don’t have to be the one to tell you that we aren’t going to work for the next week,” Danny said smugly as Sandburg and a taller man ducked under the tape and moved to meet them in the middle, “Your girlfriend called in  reinforcements , babe. You’re grounded until Sandburg says you can go back to work, and I don’t think he’s letting either of us go back for a while.”

“That would be correct, Detective Williams.” Blair Sandburg approached them and looked at the pair, tilting his head to take them in, eyes narrowing at whatever it was he was reading as he did so. “Your bond is very intense, for something so incomplete. It’s fascinating, but incredibly sad as well. There’s so much pain and distrust twisted into it, but there’s hope in there too, more hope than I had expected. It’s beautiful, in a very melancholy way that I haven’t seen between a Sentinel and Guide before.”

Tony squirmed uncomfortably as Sandburg looked at their bond. He could  _ feel  _ it, Sandburg’s presence pressed up against their bond, exploring the nuances that made up his connection to Danny, seeing the bits of it that were broken and the bits of it that were functioning strongly. Tony didn’t expect it to feel this  _ invasive  _ to have Sandburg looking at their bond, but it was. He wanted to push Sandburg away from their bond, keep him from touching it at all, but he held himself back from doing it, just barely. Sandburg was supposed to help them, and Tony wanted his help too desperately to push him away, no matter how uncomfortable he was with Sandburg touching his bond to Danny.

“Wow, man, that is one intensely complicated bond,” Sandburg pulled his grip away from their bond and Tony breathed a sigh of relief. “I can see some of the areas of  struggle but I don’t have context because this whole thing,” he waved his fingers in the air, “involves emotion, not mind-reading. For context, we’re going to have to get to know you a lot better. I can’t do that if you’re working during the day and talking to me at night. No, bud, I’m afraid you’re benched. Official Center business.”

“This is going to involve rehashing everything, isn’t it?” Tony groaned. That was the reason he’d put this off for so long. He wanted things to work with  Danny but rehashing everything- that felt like he was accusing Danny of things that he didn’t blame on the other man, logically. There were things that had happened as consequences of Danny’s actions that Tony didn’t blame on Danny, but Danny would. “There aren’t enough groceries in the house if I’m going to have to go over this from the start. I’m a stress baker. We’re going to the store on our way to the house. The two of you can have my room. I’ll room with Danny. It’ll be easier that way. This story is going to take a while, and you’re probably not going to want to leave the house in between sessions.”

“You’re the boss, boss,” Sandburg’s silent until then Sentinel grumbled, gesturing for Tony to lead the way. “As long as you have coffee, I’ll listen for as long as it takes.”

“Don’t call me boss,” Tony instructed. “I had one of those. He ended up being a dud. The word kind of lost the charm. It’s Lieutenant, if you prefer my work title, and Tony if you don’t. Seriously, just call me Tony. We’ll all be happier.”

“Sure thing, kid,” Ellison shot him half a grin, “I’ll call you Tony and you’ll slip me burgers when my Guide isn’t looking, right.”

“Not a chance in hell. Burgers are terrible for your senses.” Tony turned to Danny and pointed at him. “No Daniel, I will not make pizza just because we have guests. I’m just as Italian as you are, and I make the same food your Nonna made! You eat plenty well and you have nothing to complain about.”

“Nothing to complain about, he says! The man denies me a proper New York pizza because of my  senses and he says I have nothing to complain about! Where’s the humanity in that? There is none, I’m telling you! I’m reduced to one pizza night a month, and that only because he can’t say no to my daughter, even if pizza is just as bad for her senses. Why is it she’s got it better than I do? I’m your Sentinel, babe, not Gracie.”

“Ah, but Gracie is adorable, Danno. You are grumpy. That makes all the difference.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're starting to get into the emotions and communication of the story! This is just the start. Next chapter is where we really get into the oomph of it, with flashbacks to season one of NCIS.
> 
> This chapter is the one that talks the most about 9/11. I think I was fairly vague, but I promised a warning, so here it is. There is talk about 9/11 and mentions of Ground Zero in this chapter.
> 
> I also added an additional Rule 13 to Gibbs Rules.

“How did they match you two?” Blair watched as Tony made sfogliatella, surveying the mess that Tony had made of the kitchen in the three hours since they had come back to the house. “I knew that they were matching Sentinels and Guides together, of course, but Jim and I were already at Ground Zero and I never had the time when everything was going on to find out exactly how everything was happening, how they were coming up with the matches they were coming up with. I don’t even know if you guys were compatible.” 

“We were,” Tony said simply. “We were both in the system because we were cops and both of our departments required it. They ran our names when we signed up for the S&R efforts. Danny hadn’t been run before because he was only latent. When he came online, they ran him for the first time. I was a perfect match for him. We barely had time to give each other our names before they were rushing Danny into a three-sense bond and telling me to start an empathic bond so that we could get to Ground Zero and start looking for bodies. We bonded right there outside the red zone, standing in one of the decontamination tents. There were six other pairs doing the same thing that we were.” 

“That’s not what we were told,” Blair said, irritation lacing both his voice and his emotional affect. He sounded like something had just clicked for him and left him with a picture that he did not like. “We were told that all the newly bonded pairs were given the privacy of one of the changing booths and five minutes alone to establish their bonds. It wasn’t ideal, but that’s protocol for emergency situations, and that counted as an extreme emergency. You were supposed to have privacy. Bonding is supposed to be a private thing between a Sentinel and Guide, something that the two of you can look back on and not be completely traumatized by, at the very least. What you experienced, what all of you experienced, it explains so much that I was missing! I assumed that the pairs that bonded because of 9/11 had so many struggles because of the circumstances of the day, not the circumstances of the bonding themselves. We’ve been treating so many people, so many pairs, with the assumption that the bond trauma was because of the attack and the carnage, not because their bonding was traumatic itself.” He looked shaken as he stood up, moving towards the doorway. “Excuse me, Tony. I need to go talk to Jim. What you just told me explains so much, and we need to put things in place to implement a change in how we treat the S&G pairs who bonded because of 9/11. There's been so much harm done that I didn't even know about. There's so much I need to fix.” 

Blair left the kitchen, rushing into the small living room where Jim and Danny had been watching a Jets game and drinking beers. He said something to Danny that had the smaller Sentinel nodding and turning off the TV, setting the remote down on the coffee table. Danny stood and moved to join Tony in the kitchen, staring back at Blair with a bemused smile on his face before the smile turned into something that was sadly fond, the look he wore the most when he was alone with Tony. “Hey babe. What did you say to Blair that had him rushing off in such a hurry? He looks like he just discovered something absolutely life changing, and I didn’t think there was anything about us that was life changing for anyone but us. Did he figure out how to fix us already?” 

“I don’t think he figured out how to fix us,” Tony said slowly, hands never leaving his pastry, “but I think I might have accidentally told him why so many of the pairs like us have problems. We weren’t supposed to bond the way we did.” 

“What do you mean we weren’t supposed to bond the way we did?” Danny's temper was rising, and Tony knew he was translating it as an accusation against him, “I was married! There was no way we were going to be able to have a complete bond, especially not in the time we were given. We barely even knew each other’s names. How were we supposed to bond, if it wasn’t the way we did?” 

“That’s not what I mean, Danny,” Tony couldn’t hide the flinch, didn’t even try. This was an old argument between them, one that they stumbled into even when they weren't talking about their bond at all. The reasons behind their incomplete bond were never far from either of their minds and neither of them could talk about it without fighting most of the time. “We were supposed to have privacy, at least some. Blair said that it’s written into the emergency protocol. S&G pairs that bond due to an emergency situation are supposed to have the privacy of changing tents for the time it takes to achieve that preliminary bond. They aren’t all supposed to be crammed into a decontamination tent with six other couples, unable to focus on just one heartbeat and just one emotional affect. Blair said that more pairs who bonded because of 9/11 experience bond trauma than any of the other traumatic events that brought about bonding.” 

Danny was quiet, hands still on the counter in front of him, and Tony knew what he was thinking, what he was wondering. How much of the problems with their bond were because their bond itself was the trauma? Could they have figured this out last year, after Danny and Rachel had divorced, when they had first tried to bond? How much of this pain could have been avoided? Would that even have mattered? Tony’s coma wasn’t because of bond trauma, it was because he didn't trust Danny where it mattered, when it mattered. Whatever Tony had inadvertently helped Blair figure out didn't change things for Danny and Tony, even if it changed things for other S&G pairs. The problems that Danny and Tony had were their own to figure out and Tony wasn’t even sure Blair Sandburg could help them. 

“Make the ricotta for these, Danny. Use your Nonna’s recipe, not your mom's. Your mom puts too much vanilla in it and you know that too much vanilla always sets off your taste. I don’t know why you insist on following your mom’s recipes when they make your senses go haywire the way they do. Are you secretly a masochist? Is that what this is? Have you been hiding masochistic tendencies from me, Daniel? I’ve been your Guide for eight years, and you’re still hiding your masochistic tendencies from me? Shame.” 

“Babe, I was married to Rachel for seven of those years. If you missed my masochistic tendencies, then you’re blind. They were practically spelled out for you in gilded letters.” Danny moved into the kitchen properly, washing his hands and getting out a bowl and the ingredients that he would need for the filling. “I shouldn’t have assumed that you were accusing me of being the reason our bond is strained. I know that you don’t blame me for the way things are with our bond and it wasn’t fair of me to treat you like that. I’m sorry for being such a bonehead, babe. There’s no excuse for me acting like that.” 

Danny left it at that, and Tony loved him more for it. Living with Danny, getting apologies when Danny messed up and giving them back when he messed up was something Tony was still adjusting to. When he had first moved to Jersey to be with Danny, Tony hadn’t known how to handle the fact that the other man was comfortable apologizing, was comfortable admitting when he was wrong. He’d left NCIS three years before, but Metro PD wasn’t exactly known for the emotional maturity of the men and women on the force, and that had been true for Tony’s time on the force as well. Danny had always been a breath of fresh air in that regard. He was always willing to admit when he was wrong, to own up to his mistakes, and he respected when Tony did the same. It was refreshing to have the opportunity to show emotional growth, growth that he had been stifling for so many years. 

“I should have explained what I meant before I left room for assumptions,” Tony acknowledged. “We both made mistakes back then, but this mistake wasn’t our fault, and I don’t want you to think that it was. This is on the Center, Danny. We can’t get that back, but we can make sure that next time we bond the right way, the way we should have back then. We’ll get there, Danno, I promise.” 

Danny smiled at him and Tony felt his heart warm, even as part of it wondered if that was true. He wanted to bond to Danny, but he’d wanted to bond to Danny from day one. Danny had always been Tony’s first choice. Tony hadn’t been Danny’s first choice. Was he really Danny’s first choice now? Would someone else come along and turn Danny’s head? Could Rachel still manage to come between them like she had then? Tony hadn’t begrudged her that when she was Danny’s wife, but she had left Danny. If she stopped him from choosing Tony now, he would absolutely hold it against her. Danny was his, and he was going to have him, somehow. 

* * *

“Tell me about your job,” Blair sat down next to Tony on the small lanai, setting down his mug of tea and leaning back in the chair, “When you and Danny bonded, you had just started working for NCIS, right? Why were you in New York instead of DC? Shouldn’t you have been at the Pentagon? Did you go back to DC after you and Danny were dismissed from the S&R efforts or did you and Danny try to work something out first?” 

“I probably should have been in DC but I didn’t have the security clearance to work the S&R at the Pentagon, so the Director sent me to New York. They had a shortage of Guides that the Pentagon didn’t have,” Tony nodded, drinking the rest of his glass of water and holding the empty glass between his hands, staring off into the distance as he remembered. He hadn’t thought about those early days at NCIS in years. They were so entwined with the early days of his bond with Danny that he didn’t like remembering them, didn’t like remembering how he had gone from hoping to at least have a functional work partnership to almost nothing. “Danny and I didn’t-” he sighed, looking at Blair. “Danny had just lost his partner, just found out that Rachel was expecting a girl, just come online. He was overloaded to start with. Throwing in a terrorist attack less than an hour away from where his wife and child lived- he was a mess. When he found out that he couldn’t do S&R without bonding, he wasn’t very happy. He didn’t want a bond. He didn’t want a Guide.” 

Blair felt sad, but there was an underlying layer of understanding there too, one that had Tony squirming uncomfortably. He didn’t know what to do with that, with the Prime knowing what it was like for his Sentinel to fight the bond in the beginning. “Jim didn’t want the bond either, at first. Everyone knows our story though, so I’ll spare you the recap. I want to talk about you and Danny. It didn’t help the bond, going into it with your Sentinel feeling like that. That was a ton of negative emotions to be bombarded with as soon as you bonded, and with everything else going on, you’re honestly lucky you didn’t go into an empathic coma then. I’m surprised it took seven years for everything to overwhelm you. I want to try something, an exercise in processing that emotion, to see if we can heal some of those empathic scars that I can feel on your bond.” 

“This is going to involve meditation isn’t it?” Tony groaned when Blair nodded, standing up, “I’m not meditating in these chairs. I’ll be walking like the urRu if I sit in this chair and meditate for any significant amount of time. It is not good for your back, trust me. There’s a meditation room in the house. Technically it was supposed to be a guest room, but Danny and I both need a way to get back on an even keel, and every time we go to the Center, they try to keep us so that they can poke and prod at our bond or accuse Danny of Guide abuse, so we made our own meditation room. It’s better than sitting out here pretending we live in a tax bracket that can afford an ocean view. Come on.” 

He gestured for Blair to join him, ignoring the look on Blair’s face as he led the other Guide through the house and into their meditation room. It wasn’t much, but the carpet was soft, the kind that his feet sank into, and the cushions that they’d bought for meditation were second to none. There was a fountain in the corner with quietly bubbling water because Danny liked to focus on the sound when he was meditating. Tony preferred music when he was meditating, so he moved to the speaker set up by the fountain, turning on relaxing and unobtrusive jazz before sinking down onto his cushion, waiting for Blair to join him. The other Guide was still staring at him, and Tony felt his neck heat up in a blush. “What did I do?” 

“Did you reference the Dark Crystal to me, man? Is that a thing? Do you reference the weirdest movies that you can think of? No one warned me about that. I don’t mind, but I wasn’t expecting it, that’s for sure. I don’t think anyone has ever referenced the Dark Crystal to me before, at least not since the 80s.” 

Tony’s blush deepened, moving up his neck and ears as he flashed Blair a DiNozzo grin. “I like movies. I have a collection that had Danny throwing a fit when I moved in. It’s all in DVD cases or on my hard drives. I have four separate hard drives for movies, and seven binders for the ones I keep on DVD. Movies were my mom’s favorite way of connecting to me, and after she died, I just kept up the tradition of watching them. They’re a comfort for me. But that’s not what we’re here for, Blair. I’ll tell you my life story later. We’re here to talk about Danny.” 

“You’re crazy, man. But no, I didn’t say we were here to talk about Danny, not this time. We’re here to talk about NCIS, but don’t think I missed the deflection. You worked for NCIS for five years, didn’t you? Woah,” Blair actually leaned back away from Tony, blinking at him. “Your emotional affect just changed drastically. Is there something that I should know about NCIS, Tony?” 

“It’s complicated, Blair. NCIS and I have a history, and most of it isn’t good. Combined with everything going on with my bond to Danny, my time at NCIS is something I prefer not to think about, and I really don’t want to talk about it.” He settled into a comfortable position that wouldn't kill his knee if he had to sit in it for a long time before he looked at Blair again, doing his best not to automatically shut down, no matter what his instincts said to do. “What do you want to know about NCIS?” 

Blair settled in across from him, and Tony could _ feel _ the minute that Blair opened up to him, could feel the way Blair pressed in around him, comforting and _ present _ in a way Tony had never felt from another guide before. He relaxed his hold on his own emotions as Blair murmured in approval, closing his eyes to focus on the presence that Blair exuded rather than the question he had asked. It felt easier, focusing on Blair, letting him take all the negative emotions and keep them floating, not mixing in with everything else, like oil in water. They were still there, and Tony could feel them, but they didn’t feel like they were overpowering everything else. They were just there. He could feel the way Blair was holding them back so that Tony could see what they were, process them Like this, Tony felt like he could talk about NCIS without being overrun with the negativity. 

“There we go,” Blair whispered, “I want you to tell me about what happened at NCIS after you went back, Tony. What happened after you returned to DC without Danny? How did your boss react? What changed for you? What support was put in place for you? Tell me about that.” 

“Danny and I stayed at Ground Zero for three months,” Tony started. “We left in December because Rachel was eight months pregnant, and there was no way that Danny was going to miss Grace being born. I stayed in Jersey until Grace was born because Danny wanted me to bond with her and to be there to sign the appropriate paperwork, to make sure that my rights as her Guide-parent were also protected. After Grace was born in January, I went back to DC and started my job at NCIS. My boss was,” he struggled to find a word for a minute before sighing, “he was less than welcoming. He didn’t like that I came back without my Sentinel.” 

“_ DiNozzo! They told me you bonded! What the hell are you doing here without a Sentinel? I can’t use you in the field now. You’re a liability.” _

_ “My Sentinel works in Jersey, Boss. He’s a cop. I sent the Director an email. Danny and I, we aren’t going to work together. We only have a _ _ three-sense _ _ bond. Danny’s married, just had a kid. We’re not fully bonded, so I’m not going to work with him. The Director said there would be no problem with it.” _

_ “The Director isn’t in charge of my team DiNozzo! I can’t do anything with a bonded Guide without a Sentinel. The Center will have my head the first time I send you into a gunfight! Rule 13, DiNozzo!! Never involve the Center. I’m going to have to involve the Center constantly if you’re working without a Sentinel! Fix this, DiNozzo. I can’t have someone on my team who isn’t a fully functional member, and a bonded Guide with no Sentinel is useless to me.” _

“Right off the bat, Gibbs didn’t like that I didn’t have Danny with me. He was mundane, so the nuances of S&G relationships were lost on him for the most part, but he was right about one thing. The Center really did not like letting me work in the field without a Sentinel on the team. They sent a series of unbonded Sentinels to NCIS to work with me, as their stipulation for field work, but none of them ever worked with Gibbs, and Danny wasn’t very happy about me working with any of them either. Some of them thought that they could poach me from Danny because our bond was incomplete and only in the early stages. There might have been some encouragement from the DC Center for them to do that. They weren’t happy that one of their stronger Guides bonded with someone from New York.” 

“What changed with NCIS? There were some positive emotions in the mix of negative. Where do those come in?” Blair kept his voice gentle, and Tony appreciated it, because with a wave of fondness came a wave of grief that even Blair couldn’t keep from overwhelming Tony. It had been years, but it still hurt to think about her. “Woah, Tony, dial it down. Come on, we’re going to get through this, but you can’t get lost in it. Dial it back and we’ll talk about it. Come on, man.” 

Tony pulled back the grief to a more manageable level and opened his eyes, a melancholy smile on his face as he looked over at Blair. “In ‘03, we finally found a Sentinel who fit with the me, who Danny didn’t hate. She was bonded to a genius who worked with the FBI. She was amazing. We filched her from the Secret Service. Kate was the best partner I could have ever asked for. She was my best friend.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was rough, in a lot of ways. I should also add, with this chapter, that this story is not very Gibbs-friendly, and I'm updating the tags to reflect that. 
> 
> Get ready for a whole lot of communication. I mean that. A lot. Mostly.

“You have complicated emotions when you say Kate was your best friend,”  Blair considered, neutral and non-judgmental. “ It's a true statement; I can feel that much, but there's more to it than that. Your feelings about Kate and almost as tangled in guilt and trust issues as your bond with Danny.  There’s something else there too, something darker, that I can’t quite wrap my head around right now.  Why is that,  Tony? Tell me about Kate, about how you two met, how you became partners.”

“ That,” Tony gave a wry smile, “is a very interesting story, Dr.  Sandburg. It was on Air Force One. We got called in because a sailor died during the flight to Los Angeles. We met the plane in Wichita . There was no guarantee that we would get the case. It was an alphabet soup  clusterfuck really, one that could have been solved with simple communication, but you know how well the government likes to communicate, especially within agencies. We were racing to take over the case with no idea of whether we would succeed. We did, but then we had this Secret Service agent to deal with.”

* * *

September, 2003

“You’re bonded,” the Secret Service agent, Kate Todd, was sitting across from Tony, staring at him like she could figure out all his secrets just by watching him sit there. If he wasn’t a cop, he  might have been squirming, being stared down by a woman as strong as her , but he was trained, and he could withstand the scrutiny of a Secret Service agent, even if she was a Sentinel. She wasn’t Danny, and she wasn’t going to get any of his secrets out of him unless he wanted to tell them to her. “But he doesn’t work with you. I can’t smell him on you at all, but I can tell that the bond is there. What’s the story?”

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, Agent Jockstrap,” Tony shot back, “My bond is my personal business, just like yours is your personal business. You’re good at hiding it. My boss probably doesn’t even know that you’re a Sentinel, which is what you want, obviously, given the way that you present yourself, but I do. I also know that you’re hiding your bond, and that your Guide doesn’t work with you, but you see him often. It’s not a perfect match, and you’re platonic, but you care about him. It’s touching. Your bond feels solid, like a friendship most people can only dream of. But you’re still hiding it. I wonder why that is. The Center would make sure that your job was protected if you came forward with your bond. They would make sure that your Guide’s job was protected as well, if you continued to choose to work apart. So why the secrecy?”

Agent Todd made a face and her emotions did an interesting cartwheel that Tony couldn’t quite track completely. There was anger, surprise, resolute determination, protectiveness, even a bit of fear. Whatever had her keeping her bond and her Guide a secret, she didn’t want anyone finding out about it or him, and Tony regretted outing her for a moment. He knew what it was like to be in a difficult bond. He shouldn’t have pushed like that. Finally, her emotions leveled out, and Tony was surprised to find a layer of respect to them as Agent Todd smiled across the aisle at him. 

“You’re right. I am bonded, and we are hiding our bond. It’s a complicated situation, like yours is, I’m sure. He’s the sole heir to a sizeable fortune, but there’s a caveat written into the  trust that says he's not eligible for the money if he bonds to a  Sentinel. The people running it are the old - fashioned kind who think a Guide should be property.  They’re afraid that if he bonds, his Sentinel will take all of the money. It’s a significant amount.  We're keeping our bond quiet while we look for a legal way out of the stipulation that he stays  unbonded . ”  A surge of sadness ran through her before it was ruthlessly stamped out by determination that made Tony's head spin.  He could learn to admire that quality in a person.  “I  showed you mine. Whip it out,  Navy boy.”

“I'm a Navy cop,  not a sailor .” He corrected it automatically, without even thinking about it. Everyone assumed NCIS was either a division of the FBI or just sailors in cop costumes. “ I transferred in from Baltimore two years ago. Right before I met my Sentinel.  We're a perfect match, Danny and me. Found out when we showed up in New York for  S& R  after 9/11 .  We bonded right there in the decontamination tents.  Danny's a cop too, up in Jersey. He's married, has a daughter,  Grace. She's almost two. I go up once a year,  for Gracie's birthday, and so the Center can check on our bond. We’re both pretty balanced with the bond we have now,  and the separation works for us.”

“Does he know your boss hates you?” Agent Todd asked the question bluntly, adjusting in her seat and unbuttoning her suit jacket, “Seriously, I’m a Sentinel, but I can tell that the hostility pours from him like nobody’s business. What’s his story?”

“Gibbs doesn’t like that I’m working without my Sentinel,” Tony rubbed the back of his neck, shrugging it off. He’d gotten used to the hostility that Gibbs exuded on a daily basis.  He’d be lying if he said that he didn’t feel it anymore, but it had become his baseline.  “I can’t be sent into the field unless it’s an emergency because there isn’t a Sentinel on the team. It’s just me and Gibbs, and the Center won’t let him count as someone capable of protecting a bonded Guide. Never mind that I’m also a trained cop, the Center acts like I can’t protect myself now that I’m bonded. They’ve sent over some  unbonded Sentinels over the years, but none of them have fit with Gibbs and me both. We’re hard to get along with, if you can imagine that.”

Agent Todd snorted, and Tony counted that as a win. “I couldn’t imagine why anyone would think that you and Gibbs are hard to get along with. You seem like such a dream to work with. Ideal, really. There would never be any problems for anyone who had to deal with you.”

“See, Agent Todd, you get it. I don’t see what their problems are,” Tony agreed lightly, leaning back in his seat. “You’re not so bad, Kate, once you pull that procedure stick out of your ass. You should relax more often. You’ll get further in life if you let your hair down, maybe go out, have some fun. You dance? You look like someone who would go out dancing, maybe put on a slinky red dress, go do the tango with a stranger with a blinding smile?”

“Shut up,  DiNozzo .”

* * *

“Kate partnered with you after that,” Blair summed up after Tony had finished his story, his voice neutral. “She left the Secret Service and joined NCIS, partnered with you so that you could work in the field again. Did she ever explain why she did it?”

“Her Guide was limited by what the people who controlled his trust allowed him to do,” Tony explained, voice sad, “Kate hated it. He was a genius; he could have done anything with himself. But his career options, his bonding, everything he did- it had to be approved by a board because it could affect their stock if it got out to the shareholders. No one wanted to lose money, so he had to be careful what he did. Kate hated knowing he was limited. She didn’t want to see another Guide limited, not when she could help. She might not have liked me very much on a personal level at that point- or maybe at all, really, but she knew I was good at my job. That was all that mattered to her. I was good at my job, but I wasn’t allowed to do my job. If she was my partner, I could do my job. She partnered with me because there were other people who weren’t getting the MCRT at their best because I couldn’t work in the field . Kate and Rachel both, they’ve always been adamant that the victims deserve the best treatment. It’s how I knew Rachel was Kate’s sister when I met her.”

Blair hummed before standing up and stretching his back. Tony winced at the sound it made when one sore spot cracked, doing the same. His knees crackled and he groaned. He’d been sitting for longer than he realized. Talking about Kate always did that to him.  He tended to zone out on the conversation and forget all about physical pain.

“We’re going to take a break, but first, I want to ask you something. Have you ever told any of this to Danny? When you talk to me about Kate, it feels like a fresh wound, one that you haven’t dealt with and healed from, but you said that she died five years ago. Have you ever told Danny any of this, about Kate or Gibbs?”

Tony stepped back and looked at Blair, just looked at him. No one had ever asked him if he’d talked to Danny about Kate before. No one had ever asked him if he’d talked to Danny about any of the things that went on at NCIS before, including Danny. Tony made sure that he was there for Danny, ready to listen when Danny wanted to talk, but he had never forced himself on his Sentinel, never sat Danny down and poured out the  DiNozzo life story. Danny knew the basics of his career, some of his injuries, some of the events that happened at NCIS. That was it though. Looking at it now, maybe that was part of the problem. Tony had been with Danny in one way or another for eight years, but he hadn’t ever told Danny anything significant about himself.

“I didn’t think so. Take your Sentinel and go for a walk, Tony. Tell him about Kate. Tell him about Gibbs. Tell him about how things were for you at NCIS after you bonded to him. He deserves to know how things were for you. You know how things were for him. He’s working on an uneven playing field here. You should level it out for him.”

* * *

“What’s up babe? Not that I mind the walk, mind you. I have been locked in our living room with Jim Ellison staring at me silently like he could figure out what I'm doing wrong as a Sentinel just by staring until I break. I feel like my soul is about to crumble, babe. The man’s stare is intense. He could probably break Steve, and I’ve seen Steve go toe to toe with men who would make my mother crumble in a second.”

“Clara is a formidable woman,” Tony agreed, looking over at Danny fondly, thinking through what Blair had said. He was right. Tony didn’t talk to Danny about the things that happened at NCIS, both while they were happening and now. He didn’t want Danny to feel guilty for what happened, for the things that had happened as a direct result of their bonding, or the things that could have been prevented if Danny had been there with Tony. He didn’t see a point in holding onto guilt for the past, so he didn’t talk about it. But that wasn’t fair to Danny. “Blair said that I need to talk to you about NCIS.”

“He did?” Danny stopped walking, moving to sit on a bench a few feet away and gesturing for Tony to join him. “You’ve never talked to me about NCIS before. I didn’t want to push, because it felt like a sore subject. If you want to talk to me, though, I’m here, babe. I’ve been here. I was just waiting for you. Did something happen at NCIS that I should know about?”

“Yeah,” Tony sighed, running his hand through his hair, “A lot of things happened at NCIS that you should know about. I want to start this off by saying that it’s in the past. There’s nothing that we can do now to change it or fix it. I don’t expect you to try to change it or fix it. There’s just no way it can be done. But you need to know what happened at NCIS, and you need to know how it messed me up, how it made it hard for me to let go, to trust you . To trust anyone.”

“That sounds ominous, babe,” Danny stated gently, leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees, “but I’m here for you, and I’m ready to listen to whatever you have to tell me.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded, “Okay. Well, to start, you need to know that Gibbs didn’t like me coming back without you. He didn’t understand Sentinels and Guides, and he thought that I was useless without you. The Center wouldn’t let me in the field, and Gibbs refused to believe that I had any worth outside of that. So, life at NCIS was not great, not really. The first two years after we bonded sucked, honestly. I didn’t have a partner. The Center sent  unbonded Sentinels to partner with me, but none of them clicked with me or Gibbs. No one lasted more than a week or two. I think one guy might have lasted three because we caught a serial killer case and Gibbs refused to let him go until we caught the killer. But other than that guy, I went through Sentinels like crazy. It was. It was awful.”

“ Jesus babe,”  Danny's voice held a tone of sad longing, “I  know you said that you don't expect me to change anything or fix it, but I wish that I could. I wish I could reach over there and give you a hug without putting you in another coma. That had to have sucked, not being able to talk to anyone about what was going on with you,  not having support. No wonder you have trust issues if your boss treated you like that, like you were good for nothing without a Sentinel.  Did he just magically forget all the reasons he hired you in the first place because we bonded? That's-“ Danny stopped,  turning to look at Tony,  sincerity and regret in his eyes, “I'm probably going to be saying this a lot while you and Blair deal with all this healing stuff, but I'm sorry babe. I didn't think about what our bonding would mean for you. I was so focused on Rachel and Grace and my own problems. I never stopped to think about the things that you went through. It's been eight years, and this is the first time I've learned anything about what you went through. It's just going to get worse, isn't it? You're going to tell me things that are going to make me feel even more upset with myself, aren't you? I've failed you, babe. I had one job as your Sentinel and I  failed. My  Guide should have come first.  Protect the Guide ; protect the Tribe.  Somewhere in there, I got mixed up.”

Tony didn't say anything. There wasn't really anything he could say. Danny was right. He had gotten mixed up somewhere in there, so focused on Rachel and Grace that he never stopped for a second to think about Tony. For Tony, who had been willing to rearrange his entire life for Danny, it was something he didn't understand. He would have gladly moved up to Newark and crammed himself into a tiny studio apartment, gone back to being a police detective. He would have given up his new life in DC in a second if Danny had asked him to. Danny hadn't asked. 

Instead, Danny had asked Tony for a phone call once a week and a visit once a year. He'd asked Tony to be available to his baby Sentinel daughter, but never to himself. Tony had done as asked. He'd been the Guide Danny had asked him to be, even if that wasn't the Guide Tony wanted to be, the Guide he knew he was meant to be. Danny wanted him to be uninvolved, to stay away, so Tony was uninvolved and he stayed away. Now, when that had changed, Tony had no idea how to go back, to start being Danny's Guide on a daily basis. He didn’t trust Danny not to disappear again, to decide to go back to that life with Rachel and Grace. He didn’t trust Danny not to hurt him again, the way he inadvertently had when he had asked Tony to bond with him in the first place. Tony had said yes, and that was his mistake, but Danny’s mistake was in asking. Tony wondered when Danny would realize that. He didn’t think his Sentinel knew yet, didn’t think that Danny had figured out yet that his underlying mistake was that he’d ever asked Tony to be his Guide, but Tony would know when he figured it out. It would devastate Danny. It might break them both.

“We’re  gonna fix this, babe. I don’t know how long it’ll take, but we will fix this. I’ll find a way to help show you that I’m not going to leave you again, and we’re going to fix this. You’re my Guide, Tony. I’m not going to let you go. Not again. I made that mistake once, but I won’t make it again, I promise.”

“Gibbs wasn’t all,” Tony managed to get out. “Eventually, we found a Sentinel who worked well with me. Kate Todd was the best partner I could have asked for back then. She was a spitfire. Secret Service agent, great legs, an attitude that I could only dream of in anyone else. She stood toe to toe with Gibbs and didn’t even blink. You would have loved her. There was this one time...”

* * *

“Did you have anyone else on your team?” Blare was pouring tea, stirring in honey, as Tony set about making dinner. “You told me about Gibbs, and about Kate. Was there anyone else?”

“I  _ started  _ telling you about Gibbs and Kate,” Tony corrected, washing vegetables for the  banh mi. “I barely even scratched the surface before you called a break and told me that I needed to talk to Danny. I barely even scratched the surface talking to Danny. If we’re going to do this right, then McGee can wait. My problems with McGee are the only ones that make sense coming from a workplace perspective rather than an S&G perspective. Timmy never did me the disservice of treating me like crap because I was a Guide. He always made it clear that the reason he didn’t like me was because I was a jock and he felt threatened by me. We knew where we stood by the time I left NCIS though.”

“Did you leave NCIS with any friends? It sounds like a hostile work environment, man. How did you manage it for six years? I couldn’t have managed that for so long. Guides like us, we don’t do well in workspaces where people hate us. We tend to waste away. I’m surprised you came out of there without crashing. Tell me you had some secret best friend who was an amazing empathic buffer or something, please.”

“Well, Kate got better,” Tony started, cutting up vegetables. “After we decided that we were going to work together, Kate and I, we started working together. We didn’t get along, but we provided a united front when it mattered. Kate, she was my silent support when I needed her to be. And she was there for me, when I didn’t have anyone else to be. She didn’t know what I was going through, but she knew what it was like, working for a boss who didn’t understand us. Gibbs expected Kate to be a great investigator because she was a Sentinel, but Kate wasn’t a cop. She was a bodyguard before NCIS. We trained her to be a cop. Everything she learned about being a cop, she learned from me. Gibbs, he hated that. He hated that Kate had to learn, that she wasn’t just magically perfect. I think he really hated that I was the one who taught her. After I bonded to Danny, Gibbs and I- there was no connection there anymore. Before I bonded to Danny, there was something there. It felt like Gibbs and I were going to be friends, at the very least, but after I came back bonded, Gibbs felt cold. Like he had realized that I really was a Guide, and decided I wasn’t worth the effort.”

“There are people out there like that,” Blair agreed, voice somber, “It feels good for them to have a Guide friend, while that Guide is  unbonded , because we’re not as strong. At most, most of us can pick up on passing emotions from other people when we’re  unbonded . But once we’re bonded, Guides can pick up more than just passing emotions. Gibbs probably assumed that because you could feel more than his passing emotions, you were going to do something like ask him to talk about his emotions. That’s another common misconception,” he grabbed a carrot from Tony’s pile and started grating it, “People assume that because I try to fix Sentinels and Guides, all Guides must try to fix people. I don’t go around stopping random people asking them if they want me to fix their emotions, but that’s what everyone seems to assume. That’s probably part of what Gibbs assumed about you. What did he feel like, after you went back?”

“He felt like,” Tony stared off into space, remembering ,  shivering , “He felt like hostility and sadness. There was a darkness in Gibbs that I couldn’t figure out until a few months before I left NCIS, but it was his driving force. It was his mourning for his wife and daughter, but it was more than that too. He was so hostile, so sad. There was a determination for his brand of justice there too. I don’t think he cared if his justice coincided with legal justice. It was just the easiest way for him to try and get it. If he had ever been latent, Gibbs wouldn’t have ever come online. He was corrupt, but I don’t think anyone knew it. I don’t think anyone but me would have even noticed. I didn’t notice until he left NCIS.”

Blair nodded again, pushing the grated carrots into a bowl and grabbing a cucumber. “That happens in cops more often than you would think. A cop will retire, never had a case on his record with a single smudge, but it’ll come out that there’s a reason to suspect he’s corrupt, and the secrets are discovered. It’s distressful when it happens, but it does happen. We can’t stop it. There’s no way to magically cure all corrupt cops, not even for Guides.”

“No,” Tony shrugged,  “I guess there isn't.  Even if there was, Gibbs was corrupt before I joined NCIS. It just took me joining for anyone to notice anything was wrong. Even that took years.  They were already set in their ways and they weren't going to change because of one Guide. Gibbs had the best solve rate in the entire agency; the director let him get away with more than anyone else would have ever stood a chance to get away with  because of it. ”  His expression was dark,  his face clouded as he remembered.  “I should have left at the start, but there was nowhere else for me to go.”

“We live and we learn, my friend. We live and we learn.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got this done! It's shorter than the rest but we're getting into more about Tony, and the heart of the problems between Tony and Danny. This is the turning point for the boys.
> 
> Also, while I use a real mob name, there are no actual ties to that mob mentioned in NCIS. I just borrowed their name.

“I thought you were under house arrest,” Steve moved into Danny's office, gesturing at the suit jacket sitting on the back of one of the empty chairs, “ what's this? First you insist on wearing a tie in my office  every day and now you're bringing in a suit, on your day off?  Has Ellison finally cracked that last bit of your mind? Is this a midlife crisis, is that what this is?  Don't tell me you’re having a midlife crisis at the office, Danny. Where's Tony? Do I need to call Tony? I'm calling Tony.”

“You don't need to call Tony, you big baby,” Danny closed his computer, gathering a pile of evidence reports and pictures off his desk and stuffing them into his ratty old briefcase before looking at Steve. “I have court today. Blair and Jim took Tony to the Center to test his dials, or whatever Guides test .”

“ You don't know what Guides test?”

“No, I don't know what Guides test, Steven! You know what else I don't know? I don't know what my Guide's boss did to him that traumatized him so much that Blair put our bond healing on hold to treat Tony's PTSD . I don't know what Tony's last partner at NCIS did to him that had him leaving the agency. I don't know why the FBI calls me every month and asks if my Guide has told me about their offer yet. I don't know what I did to Tony when I  told him I was married and that I was going to put my wife before a Guide. I don't know what it did to Tony when he said yes. I don't know why he said yes! 

“ My Guide is so traumatized by our initial three-sense bond that he can't complete the bond and I don't know why! I can't fix it ; I can't fight it. I can't do anything except sit in my living room and stare at Sentinel Ellison while my Guide pours his heart out to another man.” He took a deep, calming breath before looking back up at Steve, pulling his rolled sleeves back down and buttoning them at his wrists. “I do not know so many things about my own Guide that it is physically painful to even be in the same room as him anymore, but being away from him is so much worse, Steven. But I have court today, so I am going to go to court today. I am going to present my evidence and answer the questions the lawyers have. When they’re finished, I’m going to go home and sit on my couch so that Sentinel Ellison can continue to stare at me while his Guide fixes mine. Any questions?”

“I don’t think that Ellison’s approach is helping you,” Steve was careful, hands spread placatingly, “Why don’t you come back to the office after you’re done in court. I’ll call Tony and make sure that he’s okay with it first, but Ellison isn’t helping you understand Tony, and that’s not going to help you know what to do with the bond. So, come back to the office and let the team help instead. We’re  _ ohana  _ now, Danno. Let us help you and Tony.”

Danny wanted to say no, to tell Steve, the only mundane on their team, no, to tell him to back off. But Steve was his partner, and Steve was his best friend. He trusted Steve, trusted the entire team. He took another deep breath, pulling on his suit jacket and fastening the buttons before he grabbed his beat-up briefcase. “I will be back at three. Make sure you have Tony’s permission first, Steven. I don’t like learning things about him that he hasn’t consented to.”

“I’ll call him now, buddy,” Steve made a big show of pulling out his phone and hitting Tony’s number, pulling it up to his ear when Danny heard his Guide’s voice broke through the tinny ring. “Hey Tony! Danny came into the office before court today.  He's fine, no zones or anything, but  Ellison’s approach to things isn’t really working for him. Do I have your permission for the team to give him a rundown on your time at NCIS and after,” he waited for Tony’s confirmation, clear even to Danny, “And the rundown on your life before? He needs to know everything, Tony. We’ll only tell him the things that any boss knows. Personal details are yours.” Tony confirmed again then said  something so low even Danny's  Sentinel hearing couldn't pick it up through the phone. “Thanks, buddy,” Steve hung up and looked smug, “There you go. Now go to court.”

Danny shook his head , but there was a small smile growing on his face . “You’re insane, Steven. You’re entirely insane, but it works in my favor right now so I’m not going to complain. I will be back here at three, and no later. Do not blow up the island while I am gone, Steven.”

* * *

“The team is going to tell Danny about me,” Tony slipped his phone back into his pocket, lowering his shields again so that Blair could continue to prod around at his bond. It was invasive, as it always was, but not as invasive as it was when other Guides did it. At least Tony could tell that Blair didn’t mean anything harmful by it. “Steve just wanted permission to tell them everything he thinks it’s important for Danny to know.”

“You gave that permission pretty easily for someone who’s only been working with Steve for a few months,” Blair commented. “I know you cop types have to learn to trust each other quickly because of the job, and Guides are always a different story, but you feel different when you talk about Steve. There’s something more there. Did you already know Steve, Tony? You feel fond of Steve in a way that speaks of a familial bond, but I didn’t think that the two of you were related.”

Tony knew that  Blair was supposed to be prodding and asking questions, but he still shut off just a little at the question,  closing his shields  tightly around his emotions for a split second before he released them again and forced himself to open back up. He was supposed to let Blair help him. He couldn't do that if he was a closed book whenever Blair asked about something Tony didn't want him to know about. There was no need for him to protect Steve anymore. Blair knew who Steve was, had seen pictures of him in their apartment, had heard stories about him from both Tony and Danny. Telling Blair about Steve now wasn’t going to put Steve’s life at risk. Tony was so used to that being the case, though, that he wasn’t sure what to do in a situation where it wasn’t. Danny didn’t even know that Tony and Steve knew each other before Five-O.

“When Steve was four, his dad found me at the Hilton, in one of the suites. Senior had left me alone, completely forgot that he’d brought me along on the trip to Hawaii in the first place. John took me back to his place to stay until HPD could figure out where Senior was. Steve thought that his dad had brought him a big brother. It was cool,” he shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, “having a kid who wanted to show off to me. I wrote to him, for a few years after that. He wrote back when he learned to write. John said that was how he learned to write, so he could write me letters. We kept in contact over the years, until shortly before I bonded to Danny. Steve was a SEAL. It wasn’t safe. Then 9/11 happened, and it really wasn’t safe. Stumbling on him at John’s crime scene like that was hard. I almost told Danny that I knew John, that I knew Steve. But he stopped me. Since then, well, it’s never seemed like the right time. Now Steve will tell him.”

“Does Danny know the story about you being left in Hawaii at all,” Blair asked suddenly, pulling back from Tony’s shields and letting Tony pull them tight around him again. “You felt odd there, for a moment, when you started talking about being left here at all. Does Danny know any of this? Is it just Steve and John’s identities that are secret, or is all of it a secret?”

“Danny doesn’t know my past, Blair. He never asked and I never offered,” Tony’s voice was carefully blank. “That wasn’t really what he was looking for while we were apart, and it hasn’t come up so far since we’ve moved in together. So, no. Danny doesn’t know any of this.”

“That’s messed up,” Blair pointed out, “You know that, right? He’s your Sentinel, Tony. He should know these things. You should tell him about yourself, about your past. You should tell him about Steve, about growing up with him as a pseudo-brother. He would enjoy those stories. He wants to know you, Tony. I can feel it. It comes off of him like a longing. It’s tangible, even stronger than that guilt you say you feel every time he’s in the room. Honestly, the one I feel the most guilt coming off most of the time is you, Tony. Danny  _ longs  _ for you so strongly it makes Jim antsy to go reaffirm our bond somewhere private. Tony, man, I want to help you, but it feels like the more I get to know you and your bond, the more you’re the one holding you back. Think about it, Tony. I think you and Danny need to start over altogether, man, get to know each other from the start. This isn’t about fixing a dysfunctional bond anymore. This is about creating a bond altogether.”

* * *

“Anthony Dominic DiNozzo, Junior,” Chin brought Tony’s picture up on the plasma for everyone to see, “Born July 8, 1968 to Anthony DiNozzo Senior and Annabelle Paddington DiNozzo. His mother came from a minor royal family. His father, only child of Lorenzo and Francesca DiNozzo. Anthony Senior’s father died and Francesca DiNozzo immigrated to the US. She settled down in New Jersey, where she married Matteo Palermo.”

“Wait a minute,” Danny waved his hands, stepping closer to the plasma, putting one hand on it and pointing down at the picture of the sweet lady on it, “You mean to tell me that this sweet lady on this plasma, my Guide’s Nonna, the woman who taught him to speak Italian and play the piano, was married to a member of the DeCavalcante family? She was a mob wife? Really? You expect me to believe that Tony grew up as a mob baby? I think that I would know if my Guide grew up a mob baby. I’m a cop.  _ He’s  _ a cop. You don’t become a cop if you grew up in a mob family, not where we grew up, especially not if you grew up in that mob family. The DeCavalcante family is  _ royalty  _ back in Jersey, okay. They are the mob. Well, they were. They got taken down a few years back. But the point is, I would know, okay. I would know if my Guide grew up in a mob family. He would have told me.”

Chin shook his head, pulling a picture up on the plasma that showed what could only be a young Tony, maybe eight years old, standing in front of a Catholic Church with a large family gathered around him. With his hand on Tony's shoulder was one of the minor  capos for the DeCavalcante family, a man whose mug shot had hung on the wall of the station in Jersey until some upstart in Philly had helped the FBI take the whole family  down.  There’d been a bunch of mixed feelings in Newark about a rookie from Philly being the guy that took them down, but they were gone, and that's what mattered. “ That's Tony's Uncle  Vinnie, the only other child that  Francesca Palermo had before Matteo Palermo died six years after she married him.  When the DeCavalcante family was taken down, Vinnie took a plea deal. The rumor is that the only reason he got the plea is because he was the in. He was the one who got the cop in the family.”

“None of this is relevant,” Steve interrupted, “to why we’re here right now. Tony didn't give me permission to share any of that stuff, so if you want to know, you’re just going to have to ask him yourself. When Tony was twelve, he came online after Senior left him in at the Hilton here in Honolulu,” Steve swiped the next picture onto the plasma, one of a twelve year old Tony holding a four year old in his arms in front of the beach, grinning at the camera, “my dad was the cop who showed up with child services to find out what happened. Tony ended up spending two weeks with us.”

Hurt and surprise crossed Danny’s face before Steve could say anything else. He reached out, expanding the picture, taking in the way Tony was holding Steve, the smiles on both of their faces. This picture was framed in Tony’s office, but he’d never looked at it in detail before, figuring that it was a picture of Tony and a cousin, maybe a friend’s brother. He hadn’t seen the resemblance before, but he could see it now. That was  definitely Steve in his Guide’s arms, his toddler arms spread wide, grin shining on his face as he threw sand in Tony’s hair. They were both laughing, looking young and carefree. It was a look Danny had never seen on Tony’s face before. 

“What is this?” Danny’s voice was quiet, confused, as he stared at the picture. He couldn’t figure out why Tony hadn’t told him about this, hadn’t told him about Steve. “He never told me. He didn’t tell me about your dad, not even when-”

“Not even when we were assigned the case,” Tony finished from the door, “and I walked into the house to find John  McGarrett’s body dead and _ il mio fratellino _ pointing a gun at my Sentinel, shaking his head and begging me not to tell you that we knew each other.” He shrugged apologetically, gesturing towards the man standing next to him. “Blair said that we need to talk, Danny. He says that I’ve got a lot of explaining to do and I shouldn’t leave it to Steve to do  all of my dirty work.  So thanks, Steve, for trying. But I guess I’ve got it from here, guys.”

“Tony,” Steve started, then sighed, nodding, and waving the plasma clear, “Come on guys, let’s give them some space.” He walked past Tony and Blair, patting Tony on the shoulder as he did. “Call me if you need me, and I’ll be there to help. Danny’s my partner, but I like you better and you know it.”

“You have to say that, you’re my brother,” Tony squeezed the hand on his shoulder, smiling gratefully. He did the same to  Kono and Chin, giving his fellow Guide a hug as they exited, leaving him alone with Danny and Blair. When he was sure the rest of them wouldn’t be coming back, Tony sighed again, coming into the room fully and holding his hands out in apology. “I owe you an explanation and an apology before we can fix the mistakes that we’ve both made in our bond. When we met, I was messed up. I wasn’t in a place to say yes to a bond at all, and I did you a disservice by saying yes. You did me one by offering. We’ve both discovered that the hard way. I want to fix that now. I’d like to start over, if you would be willing to.”

“Babe, you moved to Hawaii for me. I’ll start over however many times you ask me to, but I’ve got to be honest, I’m hoping that this is the last time. I’d like to get to the part where you’re my Guide and I’m your Sentinel, and we don’t  actually need to have other people standing over our shoulders making sure our bond isn’t killing us or anything else crazy.”

“Yeah,” Tony smiled. “I’d like that too. So, what do you say we go for a walk and I tell you all about me?”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're coming up on the beginning of the end!

Danny came to with a groan, blinking the Sentinel-blockers out of his eyes and nose, trying to get the ringing out of his ears. He couldn’t remember what had happened. One minute, he’d been at the office with Tony and Blair, and the next, he was here, wherever here was. He still wasn’t sure where that was. There were white spots in front of his eyes, indicating that whoever had attacked them had used flash-bang grenades to throw off his senses. It was the best way to incapacitate a Sentinel,  to leave him incapable of protecting himself or the Guides with him. He needed to get his senses back under control so that he could check on Tony and Blair. If he let anything happen to Ellison’s Guide, the other Sentinel would kill him.

“-no! Danno! I need you to wake up, Danny!”  That was Tony's voice, through the ringing in his ears and Danny groaned again, forcing himself to sit up and ignore the headache that pounded at him.  His Guide sounded like he was in distress and it was Danny’s job to protect him. He couldn’t do that if he was zoning out from a flash-bang.  “There you go,  Sentinel, listen to my voice . Dial down all the other sound , Danny. There's a lot going on around us right now, but I need you to focus on me. Now dial down smell for me. That flash-bang had some pretty potent skunk and  some capsaicin that was fairly high up on the Scoville scale. Even my nose hairs are burning from it, and I’m not nearly as sensitive as you are. Close your eyes again for me and just listen to my voice,” Tony was still stressed, Danny could hear it, but he was forcing himself to project calm at his Sentinel, to help in any way that he could so that Danny wouldn’t zone. Danny needed to know why. He needed to know what was wrong. “Listen, Danny, we were attacked. Someone got the drop on us. I don’t know who. When you open your eyes though, I need you to promise me that you won’t go feral. You’re not going to be happy but I need you to stay calm, and I need you to stay with me. If you can do that, I’ll tell you my life story.”

“What am I going to see that’s going to push me to go feral, Tony?” Danny was on edge, tempted to ignore his Guide’s instructions and open his eyes despite Tony’s request. He needed to know what was wrong with his Guide. He needed to know why Tony thought that he would go feral when he saw Tony. Danny prided himself on his ability to control his temper, even in stressful situations. He’d never gone feral before since coming online. “You were already going to tell me your life story, babe. Don’t think that you get to back out of it now. You told me you would, DiNozzo, and you’ve always been a man of your word. Whatever’s going on, don’t think you’re going to use it as an excuse to get out of talking to me.”

“You saw through me,” Tony joked, relief slipping into his voice and allowing Danny to relax with him. “There’s my Sentinel right there, Danno, always seeing through the lies. On the count of three, open your eyes, Danny, but remember, you can’t go feral. The team is already on the case of who attacked us, okay? Steve’s working on it. You, you just have to stay with me. You can’t go feral on me, babe. You promise?” Danny nodded. “Okay,” Tony took a deep breath. “One. Two. Three.”

Danny opened his eyes. His heart stopped beating in his chest and he felt his life flash before his eyes.

Around Tony’s neck was a collar covered in C4. His Guide was wearing a bomb.

* * *

“So, Tony said lightly, like there wasn’t a bomb wrapped around his neck as he knelt in front of Iolani Palace, Steve told me that you’ve already found out that I’m related to the DeCavalcantes and that I’ve known Steve since I was twelve. Have you figured out that I was the cop that got the DeCavalcante family shut down? You were just finishing up at the Academy, weren’t you? When I was in Philly, you should have been just finishing up at the Academy, right?”

“Excuse me,” Danny managed to get out, kneeling across from Tony, doing his best not to go feral and break his promise to his Guide, even as he watched Tony kneel there with a bomb around his neck, “Do you really think that now is the best time to be telling me your life story, Tony? You’re kneeling there with a bomb strapped around you, and you’ve made me promise not to go feral.  _ Why  _ is there still a bomb strapped around your neck, Tony? Why has no one removed the bomb from your neck? No wait- don’t tell me. It’s probably got something high-tech and extremely illegal like a fingerprint scanner for a lock, but since we don’t know who put it on you, we don’t know whose fingerprint we need to unlock it, right,” Tony grimaced and Danny nodded, throwing his arms in the air, “Become a cop, pops said; save the world, pops said; it’ll fulfill your need to protect the tribe, pops said! Well pops never said that my Guide would be kneeling in front of me  _ with a bomb strapped around his neck _ asking me to remain calm while he tells me his life story! I swear to god, babe if you die, I will piece you back together and bring you back to life just to make you pay for putting me through this!”

Tony chuckled at that, still holding as still as possible, and Danny loved him for it, his Guide, who could manage to find a way to laugh, even when faced with his own mortality. He'd seen Tony do it a handful of times in the year that they’d worked together, but it never stopped amazing him, watching Tony face down mortality like it was just another challenge to be met head-on, like it had done something to offend him personally, and he wasn’t going to let that stand. It was one of the things that made Tony a good cop, his willingness to step in and put himself at risk when the situation called for it. Now though, when Danny couldn’t do anything but watch Tony be at risk, he wished that wasn’t the case.

“This isn’t even the most dangerous situation I’ve been in, Jersey, settle down. Sure, there’s a bomb around my neck, but I’m not pretending to bed a Mossad trained Sentinel-Assassin. Trust me, this is a walk in the park compared to that.” Tony kept his hands carefully relaxed on his thighs, his face calm as he held still and kept his eyes on Danny. “I don’t know who did this, but Steve’s already on the case, okay? He showed up just a bit ago, before you started coming out of your zone. He’s got Chin and Kono working it already. They think it’s related to the case that the team was working yesterday that we weren’t called in on, even though we should have been, Steven,” Tony raised his voice just slightly, carrying across the courtyard behind Danny, to where he assumed Steve was safely behind caution tape, “because you’re my brother and if Victor Hesse is alive, that constitutes an emergency that you should have called us out of isolation to deal with. Maybe then this could have been avoided.”

“Wait, Victor Hesse is alive?” Danny wanted to turn and look for  Steve but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Tony, couldn’t bear to look away from his Guide in case something happened to him when he did. “You can explain that to me later. Right now, you’re going to tell me your life story to keep me from going feral and flipping out because of that thing around your neck. Steven, go find your man and get this bomb off my Guide, please, because if you don’t then I am absolutely going to lose my cool and you do not want to see me when I lose my cool Steve. No one wants to see me when I lose my cool.”

“I’ll find him, Danny,” Steve came up to Danny’s side, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. “You stay with Tony. I’m going to find who did this, and I’m going to get Tony out of that. He’s going to be okay, I promise,” he looked over at Tony, not raising his voice, “don’t go anywhere, Tones. And don’t forget to tell him the embarrassing stories too, or I’ll show him the pictures. I still have your prom pictures.”

“I’ll tell him the bad ones, too, you buffoon. Now go. If I get tan lines from this collar, I’m going to put Sun-In in all your soap and lotion bottles, sea lion. Get me out of this thing before I regret talking, okay.” Tony blew Steve a sarcastic kiss before zeroing in his gaze on Danny again. “Steve’s been there for most of my life, and I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to the idea of having a brother.”

“They aren’t easy. Matty an’ me still fight like goons whenever we’re in the same place, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world,” Danny smiled sadly at the thought of Matty, gesturing over at Tony, wishing he could get closer to his Guide, hold his hand, comfort himself with the thrumming of Tony’s heartbeat beneath his fingertips. “You  gonna distract me from your inexorable death, or are you just  gonna sit there and look pretty? I don’t think looking pretty’s going to do it for me today, babe, if I’m being honest with you. I’m going to need more of a distraction if you have one.”

“My piano,” Tony shot out, “My uncle Vinnie delivered that piano to me with a death threat, after I helped take down the  DeCavalcantes family.”

“That was you?” Danny shook his head, running his hand through his hair, “I was finishing up in the Academy, and it was all anyone could talk about. Thirty years, they sat at the front of every Wanted board in Jersey, and a rookie in Philly manages to take them out in a  six month operation. There were rumors that it ended your career. There were rumors that it ended your life. Someone said that there were cops in your department who had a problem with a rookie getting assigned to the  DeCavalcantes case, put a hit out on you. What happened?”

“I got recruited to Philly because of my connection to the family. It was my job to infiltrate and find a way to bring down the family. When I found a way to bring them down, I pulled the trigger instead of waiting for the FBI to come in and do it for me. Uncle Vinnie took a plea deal, got WITSEC instead of prison time. When he got shipped out to wherever he ended up, he sent me that piano, with a death threat. If I ever set foot in Philadelphia again, someone in the family will find me, and they’ll kill me.  If I don’t go to Philly, I’m safe. It’s carved on the underside of the piano lid. When I get it tuned, you can read the threat.”

Danny couldn’t help it, he laughed. For just a second, he could ignore that his Guide was sitting there with a bomb around his neck, laughing at the fact that Tony had just confessed to his most prized possession being a death threat. “Only you, babe, would haul around a death threat like it was something to be proud of. That piano costs more than the rest of our house. I checked. That thing is worth a small fortune by itself, and your uncle had a death threat carved into the underside of the lid? Insane, the lot of you. Is he who you get the insanity from, then, or is there more familial insanity that I need to be on the watch for? I feel like these are things that I should have been warned about. You should  definitely come with a warning label. Who do I file a complaint with about that?” 

“It’s too late for that,” Tony replied, his voice still soothing and calm in a way that Danny envied right now, “You’re stuck with me now, Danny. I’m not going anywhere. Don’t you think that we’ve fought hard enough to get to this point? I’m sticking around.”

“Yeah, babe,” it was just this edge of hysterical. “I don’t want you to go anywhere. Stick around for me babe.”

* * *

The sun was beating down on his back. 

It was Christmas Eve. Somewhere on this godforsaken island his daughter was celebrating Christmas with her mother and stepfather. He and Tony were supposed to have her tomorrow, supposed to be able to take her to the beach after opening presents. He’d even unpacked the Santa suit Tony had fought tooth and nail to make sure he kept in the divorce. Tony had put up their tree, on that death threat of a piano.

The sun was beating down on his back and his Guide was kneeling in front of him with a bomb wrapped around his neck still.

Steve was working on it. Danny knew that Steve was working on it. He was doing his best here, not to be angry with Steve, not to hold it against him, but it was taking too long. Danny had already had to shift from kneeling to sitting on his ass, legs folded in front of him. He could only imagine how Tony’s knee was doing, with all that pressure on it for so long. Even with his lack of knowledge about his Guide, he’d been a teenager when Tony had blown out his knee in that game. Danny had watched it on live TV. It had been crushing for all Ohio fans, even a young, budding Sentinel from Jersey who thought the quarterback had a nice ass.

“How you  doing babe?” He wanted to move closer, but the bomb squad had vetoed that the last time he had tried to do it, and so had Sandburg. Apparently ten feet away was close enough, was putting himself on the line enough. It wasn’t, not to Danny. It wouldn’t be enough until he was right there with Tony, breathing the same air, taking the same risks as Tony was. He needed to be there, but he would play by their rules for now. “You got  anymore stories for me, Tony? Tell me another story, babe. I need to hear your voice.”

He was so close to going feral, on the edge of it almost constantly if Tony wasn’t talking to him. The threat to his Guide was real, and Danny was trapped, unable to help on the case, unable to help his Guide. All he could do was sit here, watching Tony kneel there and hold perfectly still. It left him feeling like even more of a failure to his Guide. First there was their failed bond, now this. What else would there be? How else was he going to fail Tony when his Guide needed him?”

“Kate,” Tony got out, voice scratchy, he’d been talking for hours. Danny had heard about Senior, about Steve, about college. “Six weeks before Kate died, I got sick. We got a letter in the mail, SWAK, and I opened it, assumed it was for me. Why would anyone send something to NCIS that was SWAK if it wasn’t for me? I was supposed to be a playboy, after all. Even Gibbs thought I was a playboy, and he knew I was bonded. Well, this letter, it had a powder in it. Kate couldn’t smell  it, the envelope was lead-lined and I wasn’t her Guide.  So I opened it, and whoosh, powder comes out. You were in England, just a few months after Gracie turned two. I told the hospital not to call you.”

“What was it?” Danny felt dread build up in his stomach at the story, knowing that whatever it was, whatever he was about to learn, it was going to be about more than Kate. This was going to be about his own failings as a Sentinel, as Tony’s Sentinel. “What was the powder, Tony? Was  it Anthrax?”

“Plague. It’s why my lungs are scarred. I told you it was from that car crash, where I had to get Gibbs out of the water, and it is, to a degree,” Tony swallowed. The heat was starting to get to him. Danny needed to get him out of here, to get a SITREP from Steve soon. “But the rest is from pneumonic plague. The head of a pharmaceutical company sent it to NCIS because she was pissed about a rape case that we had closed,” he shook his head, “anyhow, case details aren’t relevant. What is relevant is Kate.”

“What about Kate, babe? What did she do?” Danny didn’t know how to feel about Kate. At any given moment he both loved and hated the woman. She’d looked after his Guide and made sure that Tony could work when he wasn’t willing to do the job himself, but she hadn’t been the friend Tony deserved, even when she was the friend he needed, and Danny currently thought that Tony deserved the world.

“She wouldn’t leave me,” he said, a fond smile on his face. “I was the only one who had it, but Kate, she wouldn’t leave. Even when I was so sick that they were sure I wasn’t going to make it, Kate was there. She said she wasn’t going to let me die without a Sentinel there, even if she wasn’t mine. She wouldn’t deny me that comfort in a time of need. She was there when I needed her the most and I- I needed her  real bad,” he swallowed heavily, meeting Danny’s eyes, and Danny could see for a minute just how terrified he was. “Don’t leave, Danny.”

“I’m not going anywhere, babe. Never again.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left you at a cliffhanger and now I've come to give you more.

It felt like they had been there for hours. It had only been ten minutes, maybe less since he’d regained consciousness, but Danny felt like he’d been sitting here for hours, watching Tony, knowing that this may be the last time he ever sat like this with his Guide. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. They were supposed to be fixing things between them, fixing their bond, fixing their relationship. They weren’t supposed to be facing down sudden death situations like this. It wasn’t right, and Danny felt rage course through him. He was supposed to be bonding with his Guide, not losing the man altogether.

“Where are we on the case?” Danny needed to know. Tony needed to know. The team hadn’t checked in since he’d come out of his zone and not knowing what was going on, not knowing why there was a bomb around his Guide’s neck was driving him crazy. “I know you don’t want me to know, babe, but I need to know. So please, tell me where we are on this case. Why is there a bomb around your neck? What has Steve gotten us into this time? Victor  Hesse . What does Steve know about that?”

“I don’t know many details,” Tony admitted. “I came to about ten minutes before you came out of your zone, and I was kneeling here, like this, with the bomb around my neck. There was a phone in my pocket, but Steve took it.  Hesse called. He wants 10 million and safe passage off the island. He was going to call Steve back in an hour. That was about half an hour ago. If Steve is smart, which he is not, he wouldn’t even bother going to the Governor for the money. The Center keeps funds specifically for when Sentinels and Guides are put in hostage situations. They started the fund after the situation with Blair years ago. I don’t know where Blair is, though. I don’t know what happened to him when we were attacked. I know that he was with us, but I don’t know if they got the drop on him when they got the drop on us. I think I went down first, and then the sense-bomb that sent you into a zone went off, but I’m not positive.  Chin is supposed to come update us as soon as he can, but I'm hoping that the update comes with me getting this thing off my neck, because let me tell you, collars really aren’t my look. Maybe a tasteful necklace every once in a while, but collars are just too bulky for me .”

Danny chuckled, despite himself, trying not to inch closer to his Guide, ignoring the driving need to be closer to Tony, to know that if something happened to Tony, he would be right there with him, no matter what. He wasn’t going to leave his Guide again, not if he could help it. He needed to be close to him, to make sure that Tony knew that he was there for him. 

“Tell me another story, babe. I need that help staying calm, not  gonna lie. Seeing you like that right now has my instincts going crazy. We’re supposed to be getting ready to spend Christmas with our girl, not kneeling in front of work hoping our goon of a friend can get a bomb collar off your neck before you become fish food. So come on, another story. Please. Hey, I have one. I have one I want to know. Okay?” He swallowed heavily, wiping his face with his hand, staring at Tony in desperation. “Why don’t you tell me, babe. Babe, tell me. Why did you say yes? When I asked you to bond with me, why did you say yes?”

* * *

“Steve!” Chin grabbed Steve’s arm as he exited the governor’s office, pulling the man aside before he could go storm off to do anything else stupid. “Hey! You know I want to save them as bad as you do, but storming off and robbing a police vault is not the answer, okay. Don’t deny that you were thinking about it. The second the governor said she wouldn’t give you the money for the ransom, you were thinking about it. But you don’t need to do that. Tony’s a Guide, one of the strongest on the island. Blair’s on the island just to help Tony and Danny with their bond. The Center has a fund for situations like this, when Guides get held captive, or when Sentinels do. We just have to call the Center, okay. We need to get Ellison down here anyhow. He might be able to get that collar off Tony.”

Steve took a deep breath. Logically, he knew that Chin was right, that the Center had funds for reasons just like this. Right  now it was hard to think logically. He could still see Tony in his mind’s eye, kneeling outside Iolani Palace with that bomb around his neck, and it was terrifying. He’d led men into danger more times than he cared to recount, but none of them had been Tony. None of them had been his big brother, his best friend’s Guide. He'd never been indirectly responsible for the risk to Tony's life before. It was making him irrational.

“Hey,” he could feel Chin using his Guide aura to wrap around him, soothing his frayed edges slightly, “I know. You're not thinking rationally because it's Tony out there. If it was  Kono , I’d be the same way. But we have other options, Steve. We have safer options. Don't you think Tony would rather you take the option that isn't going to land you in jail if Governor Jameson ever turns her back on Five-O? We might have her favor right now, but we both know that political favor only goes so far. We need to make sure that we’re protecting our own asses as much as possible in case Jameson ever decides that she’s done with us. One wrong move on our part right now and she’ll have us locked away in  Halawa with all the guys we’ve put away in there recently. Is that what you want, Steve?”

Steve knew that Chin was right, that they had to think this through rationally, do this the right way in order to protect Tony, but that didn't make it easier. He wanted to go off, guns blazing, and find Hesse, kill him for putting his brother in danger. Hesse had already signed his death warrant when he killed John  McGarrett , but now it was guaranteed. He'd threatened Tony, and Steve had never been able to take threats to Tony lightly. Even when Tony had worked at NCIS, Steve had hated knowing that his brother was out there putting himself in danger in places where Steve couldn’t protect him. Now, here in Hawaii, being on the same team, he was even more protective, even if he did his best to pretend that he wasn’t. Tony was a perfectly capable cop on his own. He didn’t need Steve’s help, and he didn’t need Steve to constantly rush in to save the day. That didn’t change Steve’s instincts though. He’d been trying to protect Tony since he was nothing but a  four-year-old with a savior complex, and he doubted that was going to change anytime soon. 

“Call Ellison. I know  Kono already let him know that she's searching for Sandburg, but call him. Tell him what's going on with Tony. See what he can do. I want to go directly through Ellison if possible. The Center here in Hawaii hasn't exactly been supportive of Tony and Danny and their attempts to fix their bond, so we're not calling them unless we have to.” Steve led the way out of the Governor's mansion, all business now that Chin had reminded him that all hope was not lost. They would save Tony before it was too late. “I want you to go back to the Palace. Give Danny and Tony an update. Tell  Kono I need Ellison with me when I go after Hesse. I want to make sure there's no way that he survives this time around. Hesse is leaving in pieces. After he takes a look at Tony to see if he can get that collar off, I need him with me.”

“You got it, Steve,” Chin climbed on his motorcycle and Steve got in his truck, each of them taking off for different parts of the island. They had a teammate to save and a bad guy to catch. There wasn’t time for them to stick around and chat.

* * *

“You know that I was a cop in Baltimore before I joined NCIS,” Tony started, waiting for Danny’s nod. When he saw it, he sighed, and  continued. “Well, I was also engaged. Wendy was- Wendy was everything a cop in Baltimore was supposed to want. She was beautiful, she was smart. She was really going somewhere, and she would help me go somewhere too, especially since I wasn’t ready to be out to the force. You can’t be a Guide and gay, not if you aren’t bonded, not on a police force like Baltimore.  So I found a girl like Wendy, someone else who was as career-driven as I was, someone else who was as uninterested in a real relationship as I was, and I made it work.

“We were friends, me and Wendy. She was great. We worked well together; our relationship was everything you could want in a relationship that doesn’t involve sex. When Wendy got offered a job in DC, working for a major news outlet up there, she accepted, and I pulled out my mother’s ring and got down on one knee.” He laughed ruefully, reaching up to run his hand through his hair before stopping himself and lowering it back down to his knee. “Can’t do that,” he said absently, “The wedding was going to be perfect, something that probably would have ended up in the society pages. Wendy had this gorgeous dress with this  ridiculously long train. I had this tux, bought and tailored, that cost more than a cop makes in five years, but man did it bring out the blue in my eyes. 

“The marriage wasn’t going to be traditional, but I thought that the friendship was,” he said quietly, meeting Danny’s eyes for the first time since he’d started talking about Wendy. “I told Wendy everything. She was my best friend, the first person I had trusted since Steve. I really did love her. But the day of our wedding came, and I was standing there, at the altar and Wendy just never showed. She decided that she wasn’t going to do it. She couldn’t get married to a man who wasn’t in love with her.  So, she didn’t.” He laughed again, barely managing not to shake his head. “I would have been fine, if she had just said something, had just called it off, but she never even said a word. I haven’t heard from her since then. She just left without a single word to me, left me completely.

“ So, when you asked me to bond, I had been abandoned by my best friend. I was lost, in a new city, with a new job and a new boss, and no one I knew. And here was this Sentinel who was asking me to bond with him and telling me that it wouldn’t be a real bond, he wouldn’t have any real expectations of me. He was happily  married, and he wasn’t going to leave his wife for me. I figured that I was safe from the emotional damage that Wendy had done. How could you hurt me if I was going into it knowing that you didn’t want any sort of attachment? I thought I was protecting  myself. Only, that’s not how it turned out. I did get attached to you. Even with how distant we were, with keeping ourselves limited to phone calls and visits on Gracie’s birthdays, I got attached to you because you were a good man, and a good dad. You were a good friend, when you thought about it. I got attached. You didn’t. Not until I’d already shut down that possibility in my head. I’d already given up on you as a lost cause, and then you called and said that Rachel was filing for divorce. 

“Our bonding failed because of me,” he whispered, looking away from Danny again, closing his eyes. “I couldn’t trust you not to leave me. I couldn’t trust you not to hurt me again. I’m sorry, Danny. You deserve so much more than me, and I am so sorry that our bond never happened because I couldn’t trust you.”

“No babe,” Danny ignored the distance that they always kept between them, ignored the fact that he was supposed to be staying at least ten feet away from Tony because of the bomb around his neck, and rushed forward, reaching out and grabbing his Guide’s hands, touching him for the first time in over a year. Tony let out a startled gasp, but Danny powered through, “No. Our bond failed because we both messed up, not just because you messed up. We both made mistakes, Tones, not just you. You shouldn’t have said yes to me, no. I was being a jackass though. I never should have told you that you were going to come second fiddle to Rachel. I never should have been there at all, not as a Sentinel. I could have been there just like all the other unbonded Sentinels and served breakfast or served as support. I didn’t have to be doing the S&R, but I put my name on that list. That was my choice, and it was a selfish one. Asking you to be my Guide was a selfish choice, and I’ll always regret that it hurt you the way it has, babe. But I’ll never regret knowing you, Tony, not now, not ever. I’ll never regret this, babe. You’re amazing, and I’ve learned so much from you.”

* * *

Kono was not having a good day. This was not the way Christmas Eve was supposed to go, and quite frankly, she was going to have words with Victor Hesse if Steve left enough of him for her to have words with when he was done with him. 

She had found Blair Sandburg in a supply closet at the Palace, knocked unconscious, just minutes before his Sentinel had stormed the building, practically roaring in anger at not knowing where his Guide was and why he couldn’t feel him. When he had been placated and satisfied that Blair was safe and in no immediate danger,  Kono had been left to deal with the unenviable task of trying to convince the Sentinel Prime that he couldn’t go off and take over a Five-O case, even if it did involve one of his own being taken as a hostage. Pointing out that Tony and Danny were also her own, her family, had probably been the only thing that had kept her alive.

When Chin had called to ask Ellison for the ransom money,  Kono could have kissed her cousin through the phone. Finally, there was something that they could do from inside the Palace, rather than just watching Tony and Danny from the windows. If they could get the bomb disabled and get it  off of Tony, then Ellison could go help Steve catch Hesse, and then they could have their Christmas celebrations as planned. For the first time today, things were finally looking up for her, and  Kono felt the first strings of hope. Tony was going to be  fine; she just knew it. He was tougher than this. He would get out of this and then he and Danny would finally fix what was so broken between them. 

* * *

“Tony!” Blair came running across the grounds in front of the Palace before Danny could do anything else stupid, coming to a stop just outside the police tape,  Kono right behind him. Behind her was Ellison. “Hold on, Tony! Jim’s going to get you out of that. Steve should have just called him first, the dumb idiot. Jim knows how to take care of these things, but your brother, Tony, is an idiot, like all those military men, and they never think!”

“Blair!” Tony grinned, not letting go of Danny’s hands as Ellison ducked under the tape and approached them, a pair of wire cutters and something that looked like a vice grip in his hands. “Hey, boss, you found your Guide. Sorry about getting him ambushed, or whatever happened. The details are a little fuzzy for me, honestly, so I couldn’t even say for sure what happened to Blair, but I’m glad you seem to have found each other okay. If you could just please, get me out of this necklace, Jim, I would really appreciate it. I don’t think I’m ever going to wear something around my neck ever again, and if Danny thinks he’s going to be wearing a single tie in my presence for at least a year, he’s got another thing coming.”

Jim snorted, but didn’t come closer yet, staring at Danny. “You  gonna stop growling at me so I can get your Guide out of that bomb or you  gonna be a grump about it and let him just sit there and suffer? I’m glad you worked out your issues enough to touch and all, kid, but if you want to complete that bond, you’re  gonna need to hold off until I get that bomb off of his neck.”

“There will be no bonding until after Christmas, Daniel,” Tony said strictly, Guide-voice lacing every word as he pulled his hands away from Danny’s. “It is our first Christmas with our family in Hawaii and I have been kneeling on the ground for almost an hour. There is no way you are bonding with me for at least two  days so you just march your happy ass over there with  Kono and Blair while Jim takes this lovely thing  off of me. Now, Daniel.” 

Danny backed off so that Jim could crowd in, removing the bomb from around Tony’s neck and handing it off to the bomb squad tech who was there to retrieve it as soon as it was removed. Once he was free, Danny was rushing Tony again, wrapping his arms around his Guide in the first hug that he had ever been able to give him, holding him close.

“Don’t ever do that to me again, babe. I’m so sorry for everything I put you through but please, don’t ever do that to me again. I can’t do this without you, Tony. Not now. I don’t know how I ever managed to do it without you. I was crazy, babe, that’s what it is. I’m not leaving you again. It’s you and me now. We’re going to get through it all together from now on. I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
